Most people were wrong,
When they thought there will never be a market for personal computers,
Because no one would ever want one,
When Steve Jobs & Steve Wozniak started the personal computer revolution with Apple,
At a time when computers were big clunky machines only used by corporations & universities.
But it turned out to be the start of the PC revolution.

There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. – Steve Ballmer, 2007, USA Today

Most people were wrong,
When they thought there was no chance the iphone was going to get any significant market share,
That it will just be another niche product like Palm PDAs,
But it turned out to be the start of the smartphone revolution and a multi-billion dollar industry.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought the world doesn’t need another search engine,
When Larry Page & Sergey Brin built Google,
The 13th major search engine after Alta-vista, Metacrawler & Yahoo etc,
But it turned out to be the best and last search engine.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought the world doesn’t need another social network,
When Mark Zuckerberg built facebook,
At a time when Socialnet had died, and Friendster & Myspace were struggling to monetize,
But it turned out to be the best & last social network & a huge & still growing cash cow.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought that facebook was foolish to keep the newsfeed feature,
When 1 million facebook users or 10% of facebook’s user base back then threatened to leave facebook if they din’t remove the newsfeed feature because it was an invasion of privacy,
But it turned out that Mark was right that the newsfeed was a crucial tool in helping friends stay connected with each other & one of the major tools that made it better than its competitors like Friendster & Myspace, which all eventually died out.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought Jack Ma was foolish to build an internet company in China,
At a time when the majority of China’s population doesn’t even know what the internet is,
But it turns out that it kick-started a series of events that led to the eventual founding of Alibaba, which became listed on Nasdaq through one of the biggest IPO events in history in 2014.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought no one would ever want to use an app that made messages disappear,
But it turns out that enough people found it interesting enough to use it,
And it turned out to be a billion dollar company called Snapchat.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought 2 designers and only 1 technical co-founder was a weak team,
Hence a bad team to fund,
But it turns out that the team was able to build a 20 billion dollar company called airbnb.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought no one would ever want to stay at a stranger’s home,
That it was simply ridiculous to rent out your room to a total stranger,
But it turned out that people had been doing it since forever with friends, relatives & people they could find some kind of common connection with,
It turned out that airbnb wasn’t a bad idea at all, once you’ve ironed out some issues.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought another car company is bound to fail,
Especially an electric car company,
When Elon Musk started Tesla,
At a time when the last successful American car startup was Chrysler, founded 90 years ago,
At a time when big car companies like GM were failing.
But it turned out to be the start of the electric car revolution.

Most people were wrong,
When they thought it was impossible to start a private space transportation company,
And that it was impossible to make rockets reusable & space travel significantly more affordable,
When Elon Musk started SpaceX,
But it turns out that it was possible,
As SpaceX managed to deliver payloads into space at a significantly lower cost than its competitors,
Even if rockets weren’t reusable, simply by innovating on design & technology,
It also recently successfully landed its Falcon 9 rocket after delivering a payload into orbit,
Paving the way towards a future of reusable rockets & affordable space flight.
All while already being a profitable company.

Most people can be, and are often wrong about these things.

That’s why most people are not billionaires.
That’s why most people won’t take the risk to build world-changing companies.
That’s why most people are not visionaries.
That’s why most people don’t end up leaving a dent in the universe.

Hence Peter Thiel’s favourite question:
“Tell me something that is right, that most people disagree with you on,
Tell me something that is contrarian, but right.”

However, there is a difference,
Between being contrarian, but right;
And being contrarian, just for the sake of being contrarian,
For getting attention,
For satisfying your own ego or just being ignorantly or baselessly contrarian.

Most people might be wrong,
But they always have a point.

To be contrarian, but right,
One would need to be humble,
And seriously understand, evaluate and consider all the criticisms & points everyone has raised,
And understand if there is something they see that most people don’t see,
Or is it the other way around where there is something most people see that they themselves don’t see,
In which case they would be contrarian, but wrong.

But if you fully understand everything most people say & where they are coming from,
But still see something they don’t see and believe that you are right,
Then there is a chance you might be contrarian, but right.
That is when you might have something called,
Vision.

There is nothing wrong with being most people.
In fact, most of the time, we are most people.

Most people are cool,
Most people are kind,
Most people are smart,
Most people are awesome.

Just that,
Most people also have to see before they believe,
Most people have to experience before they realize,
Most people prefer to follow after someone else has tried.

But every once in a while,
We see something that most people don’t see,
We see something that is true, but most people disagree with,
We realize something that is contrarian, but right.

We suddenly become, unlike most people.

If, and if we do decide that that something we discovered is so important that it is worth pursuing,
That it is worth proving,
Against the collective opinion of most people,
The journey is going to be hard,
So damn hard.

Simply because, right now,
Most people won’t understand,
Most people will think you are a fool,
Most people will mistakenly think you are arrogant,
Most people will mistakenly think you are stubborn,
Most people will think you are wasting your life,
Most people don’t see what you see,
Most people will think you are making a big mistake,
Most people will think you are, well, just wrong.

Simply because that is the nature of being contrarian,
But right.
Hopefully.

But for every instance of being contrarian, but right,
There will be some people,
Some people who will believe,
Some people who will take the risk and try,
Some people who will agree,
Some people who will grow to love it so much,
Some people who will start spreading the word,
Some people who will support you.
Some people, just those some people,
Is enough.

We just got to find those some people.

Slowly,
Some people will become more people,
More people will influence more people,
And there will come a time,
When some people finally becomes most people.

By that time,
Most people then might not be the same most people now,
Most people would realize how obvious it was,
Most people would agree,
Most people cannot imagine it any other way,
Most people won’t be able to understand how people can disagree with something as obvious as that.

So, if you happen to be that some people,
Who is fortunate enough,
Or unfortunate enough,
Depending on how you see it,
To see something that most people don’t see,
Something that is contrarian, but right,
And worth proving,
The choice is up to you.

But if you happen to be, indeed,
Contrarian, but right,
When the time comes that the some people right now become most people in the future,
Your journey in proving it will be another story of a moment a long long time ago when,
Most people were wrong.

– Johnson Khoo

At the time of writing, Facebook is the world’s largest social network with 1.44 billion monthly active users; together with Whatsapp & Instagram (which it acquired), it is also the primary way people stay connected with and update each other on their lives.

Besides that, it also has a market cap of 226 Billion USD.

On the other hand, Google is the world’s most popular search engine and is the primary way most people search for information online, they also happen to own the primary tools for business correspondence and online video consumption in Gmail and Youtube.

It currently has a market cap of 368.5 Billion USD.

EVER WONDERED WHAT THESE 100+ BILLION USD COMPANIES HAVE IN COMMON?

I did some research and found these interesting traits these companies share.

1. THEY SOLVE A FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM THAT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FACES

One of the reasons why companies like Facebook & Google can grow so big is because they are solving a problem that everyone in the world faces. There is a need for their product and solution anywhere in the world, which is what makes them so scalable and able grow to such a scale once they’ve found the solution to the problem that they’re solving.

GOOGLE: ORGANIZING THE WORLD’S INFORMATION

The internet has tons of information, and everyone wants to find what they’re looking for, simply because we humans are naturally curious beings, and are constantly on the lookout for knowledge, answers and interesting things.

However, it was hard to do so because the internet is so vast and so unorganized.

That is where Google developed its search engine with a superior algorithm to make it easy for all of us to find what we want on the internet and went on to dominate the world.

Today, if you have anything you want to know or find, you can just “Google” it.

FACEBOOK: CONNECTING FRIENDS

Everyone has friends, and we all want to stay in touch with each other in some way or another.

We humans, after all, are highly social beings. We are naturally curious about how our friends are doing, and love interacting and sharing things with people we care about. We also like receiving comments, attention and being talked to. It is a fundamental human need.

Facebook utilized technology to create tools that help facilitate various interactions among friends and help us expand our ability to stay in touch and build relationships with each other in a much easier and convenient way.

2. THEY ARE USUALLY NOT THE FIRST IN THE MARKET

I also realized that they are usually not the first in the market. Because the problem that they’re solving is a fundamental one that everyone faces, there are naturally a lot of people trying to come up with a solution for it.

YAHOO, ALTA-VISTA, META-CRAWLER AND SO MANY MORE

Before Google came along, there were already many search engines available, and all of them are huge and have received substantial venture capital funding.

I don’t know if you still remember the days where we had Alta-Vista & Meta-Crawler back in the 1990s.

I remember vividly how I would stay in the computer lab with all the search engines open in my browser searching for pictures of planes (I was a huge fan of fighter planes as a kid) when I was in primary school back in 1997 (I was 7 years old then).

The reason why I had to open so many tabs on so many search engines was because the results are all different and you get a lot of irrelevant links that appear when you search for F-15 or F-18 fighter jets.

FRIENDSTER, MYSPACE AND OTHERS

Before Facebook came along, Friendster and Myspace was all the rage.

I still remember how everyone was going around asking friends to

“Write me a Testi, write me a testi (testimonial)!”

back in high school.

Literally everyone was using Friendster back then.

They are all big companies in their own right and have taken in millions in venture capital funding

3. THEY ENTER A WARZONE: A COMPETITIVE MARKET WITH MANY BIG PLAYERS BUT NO CLEAR WINNER

THE “SEARCH ENGINE WAR”

Yahoo, Alta-Vista & MetaCrawler were all big, well-funded and popular search engines.

However, none of them have really solved the problem thoroughly yet. They were all big, but there was no clear winner. No default search engine that you would go to.

The practice back then was to search for the same thing across all the search engines until you found what you were looking for as I did with my search for pictures of airplanes and fighter jets when I was in primary school.

Larry Page & Sergey Brin who were at Stanford back then noticed the same thing, they basically realized that:

 “Hey, I still can’t find what I want to find on these search engines”

which was the reason why they decided to come up with an algorithm that could help users find what they were looking for as fast and accurately as possible, which eventually became Google.

THE “SOCIAL NETWORK WAR”

Almost everyone had a Friendster account back in my high school days. Myspace was also really big in the US.

From all the videos and interviews I watched about Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg since back in Facebook’s early days in 2004, Mark Zuckerberg said that he never thought of wanting to build Facebook or to compete with anybody, he just realized that he still couldn’t type in someone’s name and find some information about someone even with Friendster and MySpace around.

He never thought that he would be the one to solve that problem for in his mind someone like Friendster, Myspace or Google would probably be the ones who would solve it.

The problem back then was that although Friendster and Myspace were hugely popular and everyone was on it, people usually did not use their real names, so your friend Bryan might be SilverSurfer89 and your friend Amanda might be BlackAngel91 or something on Friendster & Myspace, hence you couldn’t really find someone and useful information about them by typing in their names.

Mark Zuckerberg mentioned that he actually suggested the idea to Myspace so they would do it, but they refused and think that what they had was already good enough, that left Mark Zuckerberg no choice but to start thefacebook which became the facebook we know today.

4. THEY MAKE SURE THEY SOLVE THE PROBLEM THOROUGHLY

Friendster, Myspace, Yahoo & Alta-Vista all got something right. They have all solved the problem to a certain degree and have gained reasonable success.

However, their downfall came when they thought that they have solved the problem and are comfortable with what they’ve built so far, that was when companies led by people who are truly passionate about solving the problem thoroughly kept innovating, kept improving, eventually overtook them and left them in the dust.

SEARCH: THE SEARCH BAR

If we think about it, how is Yahoo, Alta-Vista & Google different from each other?

They all have a search bar where you type something in and get a list of results in the form of links. The search bar is what all of them got right, the first half of the solution, but the problem is not fully solved yet, because a lot of the links that were returned were irrelevant, and it was also clouded with ads and all sorts of distracting content.

In other words, you still could not find what you really wanted to find in an instant.

SOCIAL NETWORKING: A FRIEND LIST

The same goes for social networking & connecting people. Friendster, Myspace & Facebook all have a friend list and people’s profiles. That was the part that they all got right.

But human to human interactions are much more complex than just having a list of friends, otherwise that would just be a digital version of a phonebook, a lot more needs to be done to truly connect people better and help friends stay in touch.

NOT BEING DISTRACTED BY INVESTORS & PRESSURE TO MONETIZE

When a company has reached a certain size and has taken on venture capital funding, they would be under pressure to aim for an exit either through an acquisition or an IPO, and one of the milestones that they might need to achieve before they can do that is to try to monetize their product.

The danger is that if the focus of a company shifts from trying to solve the problem to monetization too early, before the problem has been solved thoroughly, the company might be heading for disaster as another company that is determined to solve the problem thoroughly first might overtake and destroy them entirely, just like what Facebook did to Friendster & Myspace.

GOOGLE: OPTIMIZING THE ALGORITHM

For Google, the way to solve the problem of helping users find what they want on the internet quickly and accurately was to keep optimizing the algorithm until that was achieved.

CONNECTING PEOPLE: A COMPLEX PROBLEM THAT INVOLVES COMPLICATED HUMAN INTERACTIONS

On the other hand, Facebook’s mission to better connect people is more complex due to the complicated nature of human social interactions.

We don’t just want to know who our friends are, we also want to talk to them, find out more about them, see who their friends are, be able to give them attention, attract attention, share things and much much more.

FACEBOOK: KEEP ITERATING NEW FEATURES TO BETTER CONNECT PEOPLE

Hence, for facebook to be able to solve the problem thoroughly, they had to keep innovating and keep coming up with new features and see which works and which doesn’t.

Facebook has come a long long way since the day it started, where it was essentially just a directory and friend list of students studying in campuses.

How many of you still remember the “poke” function, which still exists today, but nobody pokes anybody anymore these days. Then there was the superpoke, where you got to draw on people’s wall and post funky emoticons and birthday cakes. That was hot for a while but din’t really stick as it got too cluttered and now it is gone, replaced by a much better and well oiled news feed and timeline.

HOW FACEBOOK’S NEWSFEED & PHOTO-TAGGING FUNCTIONS KILLED FRIENDSTER

I am the kind of person who would stick with one thing once I find it to be good enough. I am not too eager to switch to new things and try out every single new thing that’s out there. Peer pressure doesn’t have that big an effect on me as well.

So when I eventually got on Friendster, I loved it!

I loved the testimonials I got, amazing and sincere things my friends wrote like:

“Johnson is a really nice guy….

blablabla….”

I actually feel very sad that they are all gone now and I din’t have a chance to download them before Friendster deleted everything.

Needless to say, when facebook first came about, I was very reluctant to open an account, because it seems like exactly the same thing as friendster, but much more childish, because people were just poking each other and drawing graffiti on each other’s walls, something which I din’t find particularly interesting.

However, I suddenly realized that all my photos were on facebook, because my friends would upload them on facebook and tag me in it. I wanted to see my photos, so I had to open a facebook account.

After a while, I realized

“Hey! You can see what Tim did last night!

What Audrey had for dinner last night!

What Bryan was thinking…”

etc all on your newsfeed. Not just that, you could also like things and comment on things.

Slowly but surely, I got hooked, and realized that I din’t go back to Friendster anymore, because Facebook is so much more interesting and has so much more tools for you to stay in touch and interact with your friends!

FRIENDSTER & MYSPACE STOPPED INNOVATING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM THOROUGHLY

If you ask me, that’s how Friendster & MySpace died.

They thought they had solved the problem. They stopped innovating, stopped iterating and focused on trying to make money by introducing paid photo collages etc.

IT IS A FEATURE WAR IF YOU’RE TRYING TO SOLVE A PROBLEM THAT INVOLVES COMPLEX HUMAN INTERACTIONS

Some people might disagree with me on this, but in my humble opinion, if the problem you’re solving is one that involves complex human to human interactions, it is going to be a feature war, where you have to keep coming up with tools and keep iterating until you find the right set of tools that work and solve the problem thoroughly. Some might work, some won’t but you have to keep doing it until you’ve found the optimum set of tools to solve the problem you’re trying to solve thoroughly.

Due to the intricate & varied nature of human interactions, one single tool won’t work, you need a set of tools. This is because facebook wouldn’t have been able to solve the problem of connecting people better if they just focused on optimizing the friend list and profile page.

SOLVE THE PROBLEM THOROUGHLY

Ultimately, it is absolutely crucial for companies to be passionate about solving a problem thoroughly and stay focused on that until they really get there.

5. FINAL RESULT: A CLEAR WINNER, DISTANT 2ND PLACE & A COPYCAT BY A BIG COMPANY

At the end of these “wars”, I realized that they almost always end the same way.

“Those who do not learn from

history are doomed to repeat it”

– Santayana

There will be a clear winner who enjoys close to monopoly status in the market and in the process becoming a 100+ billion USD behemoth, a distant 2nd place, and a 3rd late entrant usually by a big company who also wants in on the game, but realizes it is too little too late.

GOOGLE, YAHOO, BING

For the “Search Engine Wars”, it is obvious that Google came in 1st, you can say that Yahoo came in a distant 2nd (although they’re struggling right now, became more of a news portal and has much of its meager market cap propped up by its stake in Alibaba), and the new late entrant by a big company in the form of Bing (by Microsoft).

FACEBOOK, TWITTER & GOOGLE+

For the “Social Network Wars”, Facebook won, followed by a distant 2nd and differentiated product offering in Twitter, and now, it is Google’s turn to be the big company to come in with a late entrant in the form of Google+.

So yup. That’s usually how it ends.

SO WHATS THE NEXT BIG THING?

The important question we’ll have to ask ourselves today, however, is this:

“Where is the next Google or

Facebook going to come from?

Which industry?

Which problem will it solve?”

I believe that history is bound to repeat itself, and there is a reason why things happen in a certain pattern over and over again.

The challenge, however, is to be able to apply the principles and lessons you’ve learnt from the past, and apply it in the present. It is easy to look at things retrospectively, but it’s another thing altogether to be able to identify the opportunities while it is happening right now in the present.

So we have to ask ourselves this:

“Right now, as we speak, which are the

industries that are solving a fundamental

problem that everyone in the world faces,

has many big players, but has yet to have a

clear global winner, much like what was

happening during the ‘Search Engine Wars’

and the  ‘Social Network Wars’?”

Once that has been answered, we would need to figure out how to solve those problems thoroughly and be passionate enough to execute on them, keep working on them and see it through.

ALL THE BEST!

I have personally identified 2 key “wars” that are currently on-going where they are all solving a fundamental problem everyone in the world faces, all the players are big but there isn’t a clear winner, and have all gotten half the solution right.

I happen to also be very passionate about solving both these problems, and strongly believe I know what those companies are missing, I have what it takes and the solutions to solving these problems thoroughly.

(I will tell you more about them soon)

I just need to keep testing, keep iterating, keep rolling things out one at a time until I reach that point.

I am focusing on rolling out a solution for one of these problems right now and it will be available soon.

This is the very first step in my impossible grand plan to help Malaysia fulfill its full potential, to achieve enough financial and economic influence by building a multi-billion USD company that would make a significant positive impact on the world.

Wish me luck!  And all the best to all of you if you’re pursuing something similar too!

Leave your email here if you’re interested to check it out when we launch!

There is a saying that goes:

“Behind every successful man, there is a woman”

THE STORY OF HOW THE WOMAN MAKETH THE MAN

There is also this fictitious but interesting story that has been circulating around the internet about President Barack Obama & his wife at a restaurant that goes something like this:

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private.

They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle,

“Why was he so interested in talking to you?”

She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.

President Obama then said,

“So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,”

to which Michelle responded,

“No. If I had married him, he’d now be the President.”

THE POWER & INFLUENCE WOMEN HAVE OVER MEN

The above story and quote both imply that women have a huge and significant impact on the man they choose to be with and who their man will become.

Personally, I can see why that is true, and actually agree with it to a large extent.

THE EXTREMELY CHALLENGING ROAD TO ACHIEVING GREAT THINGS

As a man with big dreams to build multi-billion dollar companies that could positively impact the world in a significant way (read more here) and having an elaborate & detailed plan to help Malaysia fulfill its full potential (read more here) myself,  I can tell you that the journey is a long, hard and often lonely one.

You will face plenty of roadblocks, challenges and setbacks.

DOUBTERS, NAYSAYERS & JUDGMENTAL EYES

People will doubt you, your family & friends will doubt you, they will think you are crazy, or naïve.

They will judge you, they will think you’re arrogant, they will think that you’re just after fame or to satisfy your egoistic needs, when the reality is that you ask yourself whether you are good enough to do this in the first place every single day, have panic attacks in the middle of the night worrying if you’re ever able to pull through, whether this passion of yours to make the world a better place is worth fighting for, worth sacrificing so much for.

You are also constantly trying to learn, from your own mistakes, and from others; hence you actually listen and carefully analyze each piece of advice people give you, you actively seek for advice & mentorship; and try all of them, until a point where you have tried enough to know that most of the advice people give are not true, only a small portion of those that you’ve tried, tested and corroborated are, and you will be able to fully understand the logic and reasons behind why some advice are true and some aren’t.

THE BREAKING POINT & PERIODS OF INTROSPECTION

At some point, even you will start to doubt yourself, your ability, your intentions, your actions, and your choices.

Each time, you will go through the whole process of introspection, repeatedly asking yourself whether you’re wrong, whether you made any mistakes, and how you can be better; because the fact is that you’re actually very humble, because after seeing and learning so much, you know that there is just so much that you do not know, and from all the successful people you’ve learnt from, you’ll know that you need to be humble and constantly learning, constantly challenging yourself and be open to the idea of being proven wrong to keep getting better and in order to achieve success.

NEWFOUND CONVICTION AFTER EACH PERIOD OF INTROSPECTION

At the end of each session of introspection, you’ll find newfound conviction, that what you know and believe in so far is right, that what you’re doing is worth it, and that you’re on the right path, and know exactly what you need to do, what you should believe, and what you should disregard because you’ve tried and analyzed them and they are not true.

THE PILLAR OF STRENGTH AND SUPPORT

In my personal opinion, I see myself as a rather confident individual. I’m sure of myself and what I know based on the experiences and achievements I have so far.

My friends seem to see me the same way. Many of the greatest and most successful men in history like Lee Kuan Yew, Abraham Lincoln or Obama would seem to be extremely confident too, sometimes even over-confident.

MOMENTS OF SELF-DOUBT WILL COME NO MATTER HOW CONFIDENT YOU ARE

But the truth is, no matter how confident you may be, there will come a point where you will have moments of self-doubt, because trying to achieve something of a certain scale and impact is always going to be challenging and full of naysayers, be it starting a business, or trying to change the world.

SPIRITUAL MOTIVATION & INTROSPECTION

Of course, these moments of self-doubt can be overcome by drawing strength from God, praying, re-visiting your spiritual inspirations (whatever they may be), or through a period of introspection or meditation, where you will emerge stronger, refreshed and with newfound conviction to soldier on.

BUT IT IS DISTRACTING & TAKES TIME

However, having too many of such sessions is distracting and takes time to happen. It takes time for one to fully recover from a moment of self-doubt through these ways, especially when a long string of fundamental setbacks happen consecutively, during which time the person’s performance would drop significantly, hence delaying the amount of time needed for the person to achieve success in whatever they may be doing.

A SIMPLE HUG OR “YOU CAN DO IT, DEAR” CAN ACHIEVE THAT IN A SECOND

This is where a simple hug, a pat on the back or some simple words of encouragement and re-assurance by someone who truly know you, understands you, supports your dreams & is constantly rooting for you and standing by your side can shortcut the entire process of introspection and spiritual recovery.

Believe me, it makes a huge difference.

THE IMMENSE POWER OF A WOMAN’S TOUCH

Although drawing strength from God, passion, introspection or any other spiritual form works; a physical hug or words of encouragement from the woman you love remains the most direct, simple & efficient way to get out of a moment of self-doubt.

It will transform your day, and if you’re on a daunting journey full of challenges trying to achieve something significant, you will need as many hugs as you can get.

ALREADY SUCCESSFUL MEN CAN PROBABLY GO MUCH FURTHER WITH THE RIGHT WOMAN’S SUPPORT

Sure, a man can achieve success on his own.

But the journey is probably going to be much more fulfilling and enjoyable if they have someone to share it with, someone who understands them, loves them and constantly roots for them.

If a man has already achieved some degree of success by his own might and ability, finding the right woman later on would probably give him even more strength and motivation to do even greater things, for example changing the world and saving lives through philanthropy, or take their companies to the next level, like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

THE STORY OF LEE KUAN YEW & HIS WIFE

Despite his high-handed and iron-fisted tactics that some of you would disagree with, you can’t take away the fact that Singapore is what it is today largely because of Lee Kuan Yew.

If you are a young person reading this, I urge you to read up on the various historical accounts of Singapore’s journey, corroborate them, and make a well-informed judgment for yourself on whether it was easy to build Singapore to what it is today.

Sure, today, with the relatively comfortable position that Singapore is already in, Singaporeans have the luxury of criticizing things like there is not enough freedom of expression, that Singapore is not democratic enough, the income gap is still wide etc. And yes, of course, all these needs to and should be improved on as well.

IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO BUILD SINGAPORE TO WHAT IT IS TODAY

But we need to bear in mind that Singapore was a small island with no natural resources to support itself (not even water) back then with their main industry of servicing British naval ships diminishing.

THE THREAT OF COMMUNISM

Furthermore, there was also a strong threat from the communists who draw their influence from the communists in China who wanted Singapore to be like China (China Pre-Deng Xiao Ping & Pre-Capitalism is an incredibly backward, corrupted, poor and very very different country from China today, in fact China learning from Singapore’s success as a result of Deng Xiao Ping’s leadership was the first step in helping China become what it is today).

THERE WAS STRONG OPPOSITION ON MANY OF HIS POLICIES, ESPECIALLY LANGUAGE

The Chinese community wanted Chinese to be the official & administrative language of Singapore, and also wanted to preserve their ethnic Chinese vernacular schools.

Lee Kuan Yew faced strong opposition in trying to make English the administrative language of Singapore & the standard medium of instruction in its schools.

IT TAKES GREAT VISION & GUTS TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT INSTEAD OF WHAT IS POPULAR

If Lee Kuan Yew just wanted to be popular, he could have just made Mandarin the standard medium of instruction and satisfy the demands of the majority ethnic Chinese Singaporean population.

But he knew that in order for Singapore to survive and prosper in a world where English is the language of trade & knowledge (when China was still a poor and backward country), Singapore’s standard medium of instruction needed to be English for it to even survive, let alone the threat of communism from the communist ideologies associated with Chinese education at that time.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

You have to ask yourselves, if you were in his position at that time, facing the challenges & oppositions he faced at that time, and knowing the consequences your decisions would have on the future of your country, what would you have done?

Would you have done the same? Can you do better than Lee Kuan Yew did?

Was it easy?

HIS WIFE SUPPORTED HIM THROUGHOUT

Many of us succumb to peer pressure easily. It is much easier to do the thing people want you to do even if you know it is wrong than to do the thing you know is right and you should do.

Lee Kuan Yew had to make many such decisions, and the opposition he faced and gravity of the decisions he had to make are on a much bigger scale than what any of us would have to face.

HIS WIFE & SOULMATE WAS THERE FOR HIM THROUGHOUT

Lee Kuan Yew & his wife met in a special class in Raffles Institution when they were still in high school.  They were both extremely smart people and from his memoirs and books, you’ll find that his wife was able to understand him completely and their love story is quite a touching one.

I can only imagine the amount of stress & challenges Lee Kuan Yew had to go through during the early years of building Singapore, and I suspect his wife played a huge part in giving him the strength and support needed to stay sane and make the right decisions instead of the popular ones.

THAT IS PROBABLY WHY LEE KUAN YEW LOVED HIS WIFE SO MUCH

His wife was his soulmate. She was there for him each part of the way, during his most difficult struggles and most daunting parts of his journey.

That is why when his wife was bed-ridden, he spends each night reading poems and literature to her, and when his wife passed away, it was noticeable that his will to live on has somewhat weakened and passed away himself 5 years later. Her death left a void in his life.

I suspect that it was also because he knew, deep down within his heart that he could probably have never been able to persevere, and do what he did for Singapore without her constant support throughout.

A TRUE STORY OF HOW A WOMAN MAKETH THE MAN

This is another true story that I know of from my circle of friends that shows us how a woman helped a man become who he is today.

This man is now a very successful businessman. But when he started his business years back, it was really though. He did not come from a wealthy family, and it was a huge risk for him to decide to venture into business.

The infrastructure for the business he was starting in Malaysia at that time wasn’t really ready and it was also the nature of the business that he was in that takes a long time for someone to establish a presence.

His wife was just a humble office worker, but she supported his dreams throughout.

For long periods of time (about 10-15 years), his wife was essentially supporting the family, putting their children through school and keeping his business afloat (because it kept losing money in the early years) from her meager salary as an office worker.

But her support and his perseverance eventually paid off, and his business finally took off, after 15 years.

15 years is a very very long time, their children grew from being babies into a teenagers in that time. It takes great capacity for love, perseverance and support for his wife to be able to do that, but it all paid off in the end.

Nowadays, business is easy for him, and they are living a very good life.

BE THE WOMAN WHO IS A MAKER OF MAN

From the above stories, you can see how powerful the influence and support of a woman can be. These men would probably never be able to achieve what they have achieved, or even if they did, not as much, without the constant support & encouragement from the woman in their lives.

One wonders what would have happened if his wife left him halfway when times were tough, when she had to pay the bills & put their children through school, or gave up and asked him to find a steady job instead of continuing to invest in his business somewhere around the 10^th year before it really took off?

THE STORY OF A HOMELESS MAN VS MULTI-MILLLIONAIRES

In fact, I think I do have an idea of what would have happened.

During one of the Feed The Poor & Homeless Sessions that I organize from time to time, I chanced upon a homeless man who used to be a wealthy business owner of a chain of restaurants. However, when the financial crisis of 1997 struck, he faced financial difficulties and went bankrupt, at which point his wife took his children and left him.

As a result, he lost his will to fight and live on. That is why he chose to just live on the streets until today, simply because he has lost hope on humanity, on family, on love and has lost the purpose of living.

THE WOMAN IN THEIR LIVES BEING THE DIFFERENCE

I know for a fact that bankruptcy is not the end.

I personally know quite a number of very successful individuals today who went bankrupt or almost bankrupt and went on to become multi-millionaires. They were able to achieve it because they never lost the will to fight on and recover from their predicament, and more importantly, they had the never-ending support of the woman of their lives.

Therein lies the power and influence a woman can have over a man’s life.

GIRLS, USE THAT POWER OF YOURS

So girls, it is clear that you have the power within you to influence and determine the success of the man you choose to be with, and your own too, by being such a woman.

Do also bear in mind that by doing that, it is not just your own life and your man’s life that you’re impacting, you are also impacting the employees of the businesses your man is running, the impact the business or organization has on the consumers, society and much more.

If your man is running a restaurant, you will be bringing good food to the masses; if it’s an NGO, benefits to the groups that NGO is helping, if it is someone like Mark Zuckerberg  Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, to revolutionize entire industries, change how people connect with each other, or save millions of lives annually by providing malaria vaccines.

If you become one such woman, your man would also love you deeply and thoroughly, just like Lee Kuan Yew did for his wife, because you would be irreplaceable to him.

Put that immense power of yours to good use girls!

CHOOSING THE RIGHT MAN

But of course, it is also important for you to choose the right man.

If you choose a man who is already in ruins in the first place, it wouldn’t work as well. This is because being on a rescue mission is one of the “8 Types Of Relationships That Won’t Work”. Your man would be more like your project instead of your lover.

If the man you choose is the type who doesn’t have much ambition, then the effect might not be as great as well; but you will still be able to bring out the best in him; or maybe inspire him to do something in the future. Just make sure you don’t try to change him or hope that he will change, because then you will be “Falling In Love With Your Partner’s Potential”, which is another one of the “8 Types Of Relationships That Won’t Work”. But if what you really wanted is just a quiet and simple life, then that’s fine.

Trust me, it’s true.

(If you’re interested in more tips on choosing the right life partner & building successful relationships, you can follow this guide that has been proven & verified to be true over 7 years here)

TAKING ON THE WORLD YOURSELF

At this point, I know some of you might be thinking:

“Hey Johnson! Girls can be leaders and take on the world themselves too! Our power is not only limited to a supporting role!”

That’s exactly what I think too!

WOMEN HAVE THE POWER TO TAKE ON THE WORLD THEMSELVES TOO!

I fully agree that women are fully capable of taking on the world themselves, just look at the woman who’ve changed the world like Margaret Thatcher, Oprah Winfrey, Mother Theresa & Aung San Suu Kyi!

So girls, if you’re really passionate about something and are willing to go through the challenges and make the sacrifices required to achieve it, do go ahead and pursue your dreams and passion!

Never underestimate your own power and influence!

BUT DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER AND IMPORTANCE OF A SUPPORTING ROLE

While we always celebrate great leaders and people who are credited with achieving great things, let us not forget that most of the time the people who deserve the most credit and are most important are those behind these great leaders who have been their pillar of strength & support through their entire journey, without which they would have given up long ago and would never have been able to achieve the things they’d achieved.

MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THE SUPPORTER IS MORE IMPORTANT & INFLUENTIAL THAN THE DO-ER

The truth is, more often than not, the person behind these great people who have achieved remarkable things are the truly impactful, powerful and influential ones, and the person who have achieved those things would certainly know.

This most powerful and influential role, is also a role where most women thrive in, because of your capacity to love, to support, to persevere and to have faith.

It is also probably because this role not only allows you to influence & support your man in doing great things, but also your entire family, and provides a better opportunity for you to build and nurture a family, which just happens to be what a larger percentage (of course, there are also women who prefer to change the world themselves or have different priorities) of women want and view as a priority.

So, do not underestimate the power and influence you have in a supporting role, it is actually more important and meaningful.

THE STORY OF MARGARET THATCHER

Margaret Thatcher was the first and only woman Prime Minister of the United Kingdom till date. While many criticize her iron-fisted tactics, you can’t take away the impact and influence she had on the United Kingdom.

She was one of those leaders who was not afraid to do what she feels is right for the best of the country instead of what is popular and as a result ushered in a period of prosperity and recovery for the United Kingdom.

IT WAS A LONELY AND HURTFUL JOURNEY

But her journey as the first woman Prime Minister who had to implement unpopular policies for the good of the country was often a lonely one.

Everyone would seem to hate and oppose you because you truly cared for the country. Sounds ironic right? But that’s what usually happens. It’s just like a parent disciplining their child for their own good, and it hurts you so much that your child hates you for disciplining them but you still do it because you truly love them and know that it is for their own good.

They would only learn to appreciate what you did and thank you later on in life when it became obvious to them that you were right.

SHE HAD HER HUSBAND’S SUPPORT THE WHOLE WAY

In her case, she was the one on the frontlines; while her husband played a crucial supporting role; otherwise which she might have went insane or cracked under pressure (a man would’ve faced the same).

To understand how important a role her husband might have played in her success, watch the 2011 autobiographical film “The Iron Lady” and you’ll get a better idea.

THE IRON LADY (MARGARET THATCHER) – MOVIE TRAILER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZrAKdlX0SA

When her husband passed away in 2003, she wrote this as a tribute to him:

“Being Prime Minister is a lonely job. In a sense, it ought to be: you cannot lead from the crowd. But with Denis there I was never alone. What a man. What a husband. What a friend.”

This gave us an idea of how important a role he played in her life.

FIND A MAN THAT LOVES & SUPPORTS YOU DEEPLY

So girls, if you have decided that you should be the one being on the frontlines leading the way pursuing the cause that you’re deeply passionate about and are willing to face the numerous challenges and make the necessarily sacrifices like Margaret Thatcher did, then I urge you to find a man that loves and supports you deeply, someone like Margaret Thatcher’s husband did for her, because it’s probably going to be an adventure, and a long and challenging journey full of ups and downs, which is much better and much more meaningful & enjoyable travelled with a companion.

But please choose carefully and make sure he’s the right man, otherwise he might destroy you.

THE LADY (AUNG SAN SUU KYI) – MOVIE TRAILER

AUNG SAN SUU KYI HAD A LOVING & SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND TOO

Being a leader trying to achieve significant feats because you believe it is the right thing to do is never easy, that is why it was no surprise that Aung San Suu Kyi, another amazing woman who has dedicated her life to a cause she strongly believed in also had the support of a loving and supportive companion.

You can read up more about it or watch the film “The Lady” to get a better idea of her life.

HAVING IT ALL THROUGH BALANCE LIKE SHERYL SANDBERG

Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of facebook, is another powerful woman who is impacting the world in a significant way through what she does with facebook but still manages to have a fulfilling family life. She achieves it by being efficient, finding balance & standing up for her rights for family time.

But unfortunately, her beloved husband just passed away unexpectedly while exercising just a few days before I wrote this piece.

Nevertheless, here is her tribute to her husband from which you can see how important a role he played in her life, and vice-versa.

You can read more about her thoughts and views on women, work & the will to lead from her book “Lean In”, which I think is a book that every woman should read.

GIRLS, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THE WORLD

So girls, after reading about all the stories above, it is clear that you have the power within you to change the world!

Never underestimate the power and influence you have over men and the world, and rock on!

“Most women want a man that’s already established. A strong & amazing woman will want to be part of his struggle, survive it, have an adventure of a lifetime, succeed together, and build an empire.”

When I first wrote “12 Ways Malaysia Might Be Different Today If Lee Kuan Yew Had Been Our Prime Minister”, I never expected it to get much attention. It was just my simple way of paying tribute to a man I personally hold in high regard for his unique perspective, grit & vision (despite him using certain tactics that some people might not fully agree with, we could have another discussion on that over coffee).

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME & MESSAGES

Nevertheless, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you amazing people who found my humble piece of writing interesting, for your kind shares, likes, time and effort put in to drop me comments, emails, whatsapp messages, friend requests and of course for voicing out your perspectives, disagreements & critiques as well.

I am truly humbled and would sincerely like to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read my humble piece of writing.

I AM IN THE MIDST OF REPLYING EACH & EVERY ONE OF YOU INDIVIDUALLY

I am in the midst of replying each and every one of you individually right now, and if you have yet to hear from me, my sincerest apologies as I am trying my very best to reply as many of your emails & messages a day when I can find the time.

Thank you so much for your understanding and I would definitely get to replying your message soonest possible.

RESPONSES & THE WAY FORWARD

To those of you who enjoyed reading my piece & share my sentiments:

“Thank you so much!”

For the few of you who did not fully agree or have raised your respective criticisms or reservations, I just want you to know that I hear you, and value your insights a lot.

In general, most of the reservations & criticisms raised came along the lines of:

• It is pointless to dwell on the past & what ifs
• Malaysia is hopeless, on the path of no return & there’s nothing we can do about it
• It wouldn’t have been possible for Lee Kuan Yew to be Prime Minister & implement his vision because of our deeply rooted racial segregation

While I fully agree that it is pointless to dwell on the past & the what ifs, and am fully aware of the fact that Malaysia is a much bigger country with its unique set of challenges and circumstances at the time for something like that to happen, which is the reason why I mentioned in my previous piece that it would have taken “some miracle or another” for Lee Kuan Yew to become our Prime Minister and have a chance at trying to build Malaysia the way he envisioned it despite the challenges (it wasn’t going to be easy).

(I did not & am not going into the details of the challenges and the possible solutions to the challenges, along with their side effects & pros & cons here because of a lack of time, but if you are interested, we could have a lengthy and in-depth discussion about them over coffee)

EXPLORING THE POSSIBILITIES & THE LIMITS OF OUR POTENTIAL

Contrary to wanting to dwell on the past, the purpose of me writing that piece, besides commemorating Lee Kuan Yew & his ideas, was to explore the possibilities and limits of our potential, in hopes of inspiring us as a nation to do the little that we can to drive our nation forward towards one day realizing our full potential, little by little, and step by step, no matter how impossible it might seem.

It is not so much about what could have happened, but what can we do today to make the things we hope to see happen actually happen in the future, through knowing what we could have been and could still become today, or some day in the future.

HAVE HOPE FOR OUR FUTURE

For those of you who have given up hope. I want to tell you that I totally understand where you’re coming from and how you feel, because I have been there many times myself.

But I would also like to remind all of you that it is often during times of adversity and hopelessness that hope arises, and through the determination, actions and perseverance of a small group of people who somehow, still manage to hang on to the believe that there’s hope, slowly but surely, manage to inspire more and more people, even generations, to hope, and through many little actions, resulting in a chain of triggered events, and eventually a collective effort that slowly but steadily, through time, from hopelessness, brought a dream, vision or potential to reality.

IT TAKES TIME

There was a time in the United States, where it seemed totally hopeless for slavery to ever be abolished and for races to be treated equally (although there are still some factions of racism today), for African Americans to ever be able to be free-men, to vote, be treated equally, let alone have an African American president.

AMERICA TOOK CLOSE TO 250 YEARS & A CIVIL WAR

It took America close to 250 years for that to happen, close to 100 years since their independence in 1776 for the north to abolish slavery, having to go through a civil war in the 1860s where many lives were lost, and through the leadership & grit of Abraham Lincoln (who was assassinated after), managed to keep America united and on the right path towards being slave-free and racial equality,  another 100 years for Martin Luther King Jr to speak out and inspire another movement in 1963 with his famous speech of “I dream a dream”, to the day an African American finally became President of the United States when Barack Obama took office in 2008.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR “I DREAM A DREAM” SPEECH

When Lee Kuan Yew & Singapore first separated from Malaysia, it also seemed like there wasn’t any hope for Singapore to survive, let alone develop into a thriving metropolis, being a small island with no natural resources and even sufficient fresh water to supply itself. It almost seemed clear that Singapore would one day have to crawl back to Malaysia for survival back then.

WE ARE ONLY TURNING 58 THIS YEAR

Malaysia gained its independence in 1957, and we’re only turning 58 this year. Comparatively, we are still a very very young country. While I hope that we do not have to go through a civil war of any sort to achieve our full potential, the point I am trying to make is that change can take a long time, and in many cases generations, how fast it can happen would depend on the little things each generation does, and that would mean the little things that all of us, as a generation, do; right here, right now.

OUR LITTLE BELIEFS AND ACTIONS MATTER

We might feel that what we believe or what we do as individuals is too insignificant to matter, but that’s where we’re wrong, because every little thing that we believe or do has a collective effect on our country, which might trigger many little chain events that might filter down to future generations & could have a huge impact one day.

HAVE HOPE, DO WHAT WE CAN, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS

Hence, I’ve come up with a list of ways that I believe all of us could contribute to and slowly but surely help drive our country towards fulfilling our full potential.

1. BE THE BEST IN WHAT WE DO, WHEREVER WE MAY BE

Years ago, I attended a seminar in which the then managing partner of one of Malaysia’s top law firms shared his view on solving the brain-drain problem, which I found to be interesting and extremely viable.

HAVE MALAYSIAN BUSINESSES EXPAND GLOBALLY & HIRE TALENTED MALAYSIANS BASED OVERSEAS

He believes that he could help solve the brain-drain problem by expanding his businesses internationally, and through his businesses hire talented Malaysians who have chosen to migrate abroad to run his businesses in the respective countries that his businesses has expanded to.

That way, these talented Malaysians would still be working for a Malaysian company and indirectly contributing to the Malaysian economy and Malaysian success story by helping a Malaysian company expand globally although they are based overseas.

YOU CAN STILL HELP MALAYSIA FULFILL ITS FULL POTENTIAL BY BEING THE BEST YOU CAN BE

With more Malaysian companies expanding globally, you can be based overseas but still be helping Malaysia fulfill our full potential by working for a Malaysian company that has a branch overseas.

BUILD GLOBAL BUSINESSES

If you are a businessperson or entrepreneur, you could try to expand your businesses to as many countries as possible and make an effort to hire talented Malaysians whenever possible.

Even if you do not work for a Malaysian company, as long as you are the best at what you do, you would still be able to shine for Malaysia and share your experiences with Malaysians back home when the opportunity presents itself someday.

MENTORING & PASSING ON YOUR EXPERTISE WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENTS ITSELF

Hence, even if you have chosen to migrate or be based overseas (which I can totally understand and believe is necessary if your talents are not appreciated here or if there is a lack of opportunity to further & develop your skills locally), you could still help Malaysia fulfill our full potential by being the best at what you do by passing on your skills, experience and mentoring Malaysians back home when the opportunity presents itself.

2. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK TO SEE, STARTING WITH OURSELVES

There is a saying which goes:

“Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do to you”

I find that it is only fair that we start being to others who we hope others would be to us. Even if others do the opposite to you, it does not give you the license to do the same (things you don’t want them to do to you) to them, that is because by doing so you would be no different from them, and any change we hope to see in our nation should always start with ourselves.

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

For example, if you believe that Malaysians should not be discriminated against based on our race or religion, then we should also make sure that we do not do so to our fellow Malaysians of other races ourselves.

LITTLE THOUGHTS CAN INFLUENCE YOUR ACTIONS

We shouldn’t even allow ourselves to think that way in our minds, this is because even though you only keep it to yourself, it will subconsciously show in your actions, inaction and influence you to make certain decisions and take certain actions that reflect your thoughts.

THE EXAMPLE OF RACIAL STEREOTYPING

Let’s face it, most of us would probably have at some point in our lives as Malaysians been swayed or persuaded to pre-judge or make an assumption of someone based on their race and associated stereotypes.

If stereotypical thoughts like “Chinese are rich, greedy & selfish”,  “Malays are lazy & religious extremists”, “Indians are cunning  & cheats” or “Kadazans & Ibans are uneducated” ever crossed your mind, then you would have been guilty of that too.

The truth is, race and religion has NOTHING to do with how someone is.

THERE ARE RICH & POOR, GOOD & BAD PEOPLE FROM ALL RACES & RELIGIONS

As there are rich Chinese, there are also plenty of rich Malays, Indians & Kadazans. Similarly, I have also seen my fair share of lazy Chinese, extremist Chinese, dishonest Chinese as well as such people from each race.  But there are also generous and kind people from each race & religion.

IT IS UNFAIR TO ASSUME SOMETHING OF SOMEONE JUST BASED ON THEIR RACE OR RELIGION

I am of Chinese descent myself, and I feel that it is extremely unfair when a Chinese Malaysian conveniently assumes that all Malays are lazy and reliant on the government or all Indians are conmen and cannot be trusted.

Sure, there are some or even a number of people who are like that who belong to these races, but I also have plenty of extremely talented and hardworking Malay friends who are extremely successful at what they do today. I also have Malay friends who are among the kindest, friendliest and easy-going people I know.

GET TO KNOW PEOPLE ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS

My best friend is Indian, and he is one of the most sincere & honest people I’ve ever known. I also have a group of close friends who are largely of Indian descent, and they are all honest and hardworking people, amazing people just like you & me.

Similarly, I also know people of Chinese descent who are lazy & directionless, or only know how to pick fights, bully and complain.

The point I am trying to make here is that race & religion DOES NOT determine what kind of person someone is. There are awesome people from every race & religion, and there are also not so awesome people from each of them.

DO NOT RETALIATE BY DOING THE SAME, BE & STAY DIFFERENT

So, we should not pre-judge and pre-determine what kind of person someone is just based on their religion or race. Even if others are doing that to us, we should not retaliate by doing the same, because that would just make us no different from them.

LEAD BY EXAMPLE & BE THE LIGHT & CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THIS WORLD

Similarly for other values & beliefs that you might have, start by acting them out and being that person you think people should be yourself. Trust me, over time, people will be able to see and feel it and be influenced by you. Even if they might not agree with you, they would still grow to respect your values & beliefs.

You can change the world, one person at a time, starting from yourself.

3. DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO HELP OUR RURAL & UNDERPREVILEGED FELLOW MALAYSIANS PROGRESS TOGETHER AS A NATION

It is my humble opinion that in order for us to progress as a country, we need to progress TOGETHER, both rural & urban.

WE NEED OUR RURAL FRIENDS TO MATURE TOGETHER WITH US

This is because only with a fully mature electorate where almost every single person in the country is educated & equipped sufficiently with the necessary analytical & critical thinking skills to make well-informed decisions, can we elect into power a capable government based on the strength of their proposed policies and be united in implementing them and drive our country forward together as a nation.

THE RURAL URBAN DIVIDE

Did you know that according to World Bank data, Malaysia’s rural population stood at almost 50% back in 1990 and still stands at around 27-30% in 2014? While many villages & kampungs have been upgraded to townships and hence considered “urban”, the infrastructure that they have there in terms of access to knowledge, education, opportunities to see the world and what is happening outside of their town is still pretty much of a rural standard.

According to recent report from World Bank, only 15.9% of 25-29 year olds in Malaysia hold a bachelor’s degree or higher in 2012. (read more here) So, if you’re reading this and you have a bachelor’s degree, you should know that you’re one of the more fortunate ones in the 15.9% of Malaysians who had the privilege to access higher education. If you’re older than 29, the percentage you represent is probably even smaller.

WHAT MY PLKN EXPERIENCE TAUGHT ME

When I came back from Singapore in 2009, I re-enlisted into our very own PLKN or Khidmat Negara (national service) program that I had to defer before because I was still doing my ‘A’ levels in Singapore when I got selected when I was 17.

At PLKN, I met plenty of fellow Malaysians from rural areas, especially from Sabah & Sarawak where a lot of them still live in longhouses and villages deep inside rural areas.

They were among the most friendly, nice & inquisitive people I’ve ever met!

PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS, MOTIVATED & HUNGRY FOR KNOWLEDGE

Probably because of my experience studying overseas, many of them kept asking me questions on how the outside world was like and many more. They were curious, motivated and hungry for knowledge and to learn more!

IF ONLY THEY HAD ACCESS TO THE INFRASTRUCTURE REQUIRED

If only they had access to the infrastructure and systems required for them to find these troves of knowledge by themselves, or had someone to guide them and impart these knowledge & know how to them. Imagine how far they could do and how much they could all become!

If you’re reading this, you’re probably from an urban area or an area which at least has access to the internet and would also have had the privilege to access a good enough education to be able to be fluent enough in English to understand what I am writing.

HELP THEM GROW TOGETHER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN

But please bear in mind that there are still plenty of our fellow Malaysians in the rural areas who might not be as fortunate as us to have access to such privileges and do whatever we can to help them as much as you can through the various volunteer programs that we have around.

4. EXERCISE SOUND JUDGMENT & MAKE CAREFULLY ANALYZED, WELL-RESEARCHED & WELL-INFORMED DECISIONS ON ALL MATTERS TO OUR BEST ABILITY

Sometimes, it is easy for us to get too carried away by our emotions, but as a mature and intelligent electorate, we should always keep a calm mind and analyze each situation thoroughly before making a decision and taking a stand.

DO NOT BLINDLY OPPOSE JUST FOR THE SAKE OF OPPOSING

We should not blindly oppose for the sake of opposing because we do not like a certain party or a certain person. Sometimes, they might be right and may have a point. We should learn to view things on a case by case basis.

It is great that we have plenty of social media tools today, which is a powerful way to spread and get access to information. However, it is important to remember that there are also many people who use it to spin stories and half-truths to incite people’s emotions that’ll spread like wildfire, because we humans are ultimately emotional beings.

Granted, there are many stories and information which are true and credible. But we have to remember that there’s always 2 sides to a coin. It is important for us to do some additional research on both sides of an issue before coming to a conclusion. Every piece of information or story should be corroborated with other reliable sources.

ALWAYS MAKE WELL-INFORMED DECISIONS

In order for us to truly progress as a nation, a significant portion of our people would need to be able to make well-informed and well-researched decisions on various matters and be able to see through the all the incendiary gimmicks that people might be pulling off.

If a US styled Presidential Debate like the one between President Obama & Mitt Romney on the various policies and issues Malaysia faces were to ever happen, our electorate should be able to understand the complex arguments involved and make a sound judgment based on that and support from our own research, and it should not be a face-off that’s based purely on emotions.

5. EXERCISE OUR RIGHT TO CHOOSE A CAPABLE GOVERNMENT (BASED ON OUR RESPECTIVE SOUND JUDGMENTS)

While it is important to keep a calm & analytical mind, we should also exercise our right to vote, choose and voice out peacefully once we’ve made up our mind after much careful consideration. If we do not even bother to exercise our right to choose a capable government, then we should not complain when we get shortchanged or when our rights get infringed upon, because we would have in a way brought them upon ourselves by not exercising our right to choose in the first place.

6. FOCUS ON IMPLEMENTIG CREATIVE SOLUTIONS, INSTEAD OF SOLELY COMPLAINING ABOUT PROBLEMS

Most people tend to resort to complaining and blaming others when problems arise. While it is important to find out who is accountable if certain people have a duty to carry out their tasks well, it is also important for us to not add to the problem by purely complaining and spread negative emotions around.

While it is good to do our part to voice out our opinions and hold those parties at fault accountable, we also have to understand the sad reality that sometimes, for whatever reasons or circumstances, these parties in question would never admit fault or even if they did, won’t do anything about it or take a long time to do so.

FOCUS ON FINDING SOLUTIONS

Hence, to set ourselves apart, and for the greater good of our country, we could try focusing our energy into coming out with creative solutions that would solve the problems instead, creative solutions that we ourselves, a small group of us, or various organizations or private companies would be able to carry out.

For example, if we believe that the welfare system in our country is not good enough and the poor aren’t being taken cared of enough, then organize your own Feed The Poor Sessions; if you believe that our rural brethren do not have safe houses to live in, the start or join something like the EPIC Homes Program; if you believe that the service industry is really lousy in Malaysia or that employees are not being compensated enough, then find a way to make changes in your own companies by training staff better, hence making more money and being able to pay your staff more.

EPIC HOMES PROGRAM – BUILD VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQx8bjPYNqQ

It is the little things like these that makes a difference, and more often than not, it is also what will set you apart and make you more successful individually, because successful people are often those who focus on being positive amidst adversity and come up with solutions to solve the problem instead of purely complaining.

7. LEARN TO APPRECIATE THE BEAUTY OF WHAT WE HAVE AND MAKE THE BEST OUT OF IT

There is no use crying over spilt milk.

Life would be much better and more progress can be made if we chose to focus on the positives instead. Every challenge and bad situation is an opportunity for us to shine & innovate.

WE ARE AN EXTREMELY BLESSED COUNTRY

To be honest, Malaysia is blessed with many amazing things despite our many shortcomings. We have no wars, no serious natural disasters like earthquakes or typhoons, have an abundance of natural resources, land and good food!

Sometimes, I feel that we are too blessed for our own good because countries usually rise up after they’ve been through the worst.

Furthermore, the happiest people are often those who are grateful for what they have and make the best out of it.

8. KEEP OUR LOVE FOR MALAYSIA BURNING AMIDST THE ADVERSITY. HAVE HOPE.

Most countries usually emerge stronger through adversity, they unite and come back even stronger after the worst periods in their history.

IT IS THROUGH TIMES OF ADVERSITY THAT NATIONS EMERGE STRONGER

Communist China finally rose up after a dark period of backwardness after World War II, Indonesia went through their fair share of struggles from the killings of 1965-66, America grew stronger with each war it went through from the American Revolutionary War for Independence, to its Civil War and Word War II. Likewise, Japan & Germany also came back stronger to become major economic powers after their lost in World War II.

WE CAN DO IT AS LONG AS WE HAVE HOPE

While I hope that we do not have to go through any wars or major instances of adversity (which in some cases can be too serious for a country to recover from in a short time), my point is that we should keep our love for Malaysia strong and most importantly, have hope, because hope is what gives us the strength to soldier on in hopes of a better day.

“Have hope, because hope will give us the strength required to rise up from adversity to build a better tomorrow, which will definitely come as long as we never lose hope.”

Many Malaysians might not be aware of the fact that Lee Kuan Yew was actually the first person who championed for a “Malaysian Malaysia” when Singapore was still part of Malaysia back in the 1964 elections.

WINNING A SEAT IN THE PENINSULA & HIS VISION OF A “MALAYSIAN MALAYSIA”

Lee Kuan Yew led the People’s Action Party (PAP) in the first Parliamentary General Election held after the formation of Malaysia in 1963. Although he ended up winning only 1 seat, the Bungsar constituency which is now part of the Seputeh & Lembah Pantai constituency, his rallies championing the idea of a “Malaysian Malaysia” where we were Malaysians first and treated equally based on need & merit regardless of our race & religion attracted large crowds, an indicator of the people’s interest in a “Malaysian Malaysia” even back then.

*Note: The PAP with Lee Kuan Yew as its leader was already the ruling party of the state of Singapore then

However, since it was the first time Lee Kuan Yew & the PAP competed on the mainland (Peninsula Malaysia), most of our voters still voted for the parties they were familiar with and for fear that voting in a party foreign to them till then would disrupt the balance and harmony of our existing coalition.

THE SEPARATION

After that, the story from some historical books and some books in Singapore is that

(Watch this video & you’ll know that Lee Kuan Yew really did cry)

“…the prospect that the PAP might rule Malaysia agitated UMNO. The PAP’s decision to contest federal parliamentary seats outside Singapore, and the UMNO decision to contest seats within Singapore, breached an unspoken agreement to respect each other’s spheres of influence, and aggravated PAP-UMNO relations. The clash of personalities between PAP leader Lee Kuan Yew and Malaysian Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman resulted in a crisis and led to Rahman forcing Singapore to leave Malaysia in August 1965.”

It could also be that

“Singapore voluntarily left Malaysia because of disagreements, or that Singapore was too demanding or that Lee Kuan Yew & the PAP was arrogant”

Which is the truth?

I do not know. I guess we could only imagine from the recounts of various parties and leave it to our own judgments.

But I sincerely do believe that our founding father, Tunku Abdul Rahman is a great person and had our best interests at heart when he made the decision, given the situation and various considerations at the time. I personally have a great deal of respect for him too.

Nevertheless, Singapore left Malaysia for good, Lee Kuan Yew cried when announcing the news to Singapore on television, and the rest, as they say, is history.

THE WHAT IFS

But sometimes, I can’t help but to wonder what would’ve happened if Singapore & Lee Kuan Yew managed to stay on in Malaysia, and by some miracle or another managed to garner enough public support with his vision for a truly “Malaysian Malaysia”.

So after reading all his books from his 3 part memoir to “The Hard Truths To Keep Singapore Going” & most recently “One Man’s View Of The World” in an attempt to understand the logic & perspectives behind his thoughts, here is a list of ways Malaysia might be different today if Lee Kuan Yew somehow managed to become our Prime Minister back then.

1. ENGLISH MIGHT HAVE BEEN OUR ADMINISTRATIVE LANGUAGE

Singapore’s education system back then was very similar to what we had in Malaysia during that time period. There were the English medium schools founded by the British and vernacular schools founded by our own ethnic groups.

SIMILAR MAKE-UP OF SCHOOL SYSTEMS

Lee Kuan Yew mentioned in his books that it was a huge challenge back then to introduce English as a standard medium of instruction in schools and government departments across Singapore. He faced strong opposition from vernacular schools, especially from Chinese medium schools who were afraid that the move would erode their Chinese roots, culture & way of learning.

THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR ROOTS & ORIGINS

Lee Kuan Yew understood the importance of staying true to our roots and origin, and it was also his desire for us to not lose our roots and identity.

ENGLISH – THE GATEWAY TO KNOWLEDGE & TRADE

However, he also knew that English was the language of the world, the language of trade, and also the language to unlock troves of knowledge found in English books & educational materials.

Hence, he worked tirelessly to come up with a system that could give Singapore the best of both worlds as far as possible, while understanding that an average person can only ever master one language in his lifetime and have one main language which they think in, together with a secondary language that they can master enough to be fluent in.

A WIN-WIN SOLUTION AFTER MUCH EXPERIMENTATION

After much experimentation and trial & error, he finally found a system that worked, where the standard medium of instruction in schools would be English, but he also made it compulsory for all students to take up their respective mother tongues, be it Malay, Chinese or Tamil.

That way, he was able to create a Singapore that was fluent in English and their respective mother tongues so as to not lose their multi-lingual & multi-cultural identity while being able to have access to troves of knowledge and trade that was all conducted in English.

THE NEUTRALITY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

The fact that English was a neutral language to all ethnic groups, because it did not belong to the Malays, Indians or Chinese, and also happened to be the most practical and global language for trade & access to knowledge, made it the perfect language for Singapore to use as its administrative language.

In other words, no need to fight over the use of Chinese, Malay or Tamil, all shall use English, a neutral language which gives you access to knowledge and trade. On top of that, you are also required to learn your own mother tongue to preserve your ethnic identity.

A win-win if you ask me.

Since Malaysia’s make-up & issues were similar to that of Singapore’s , Lee Kuan Yew would probably have taken the same approach for us, and hence our administrative language would probably have been English, just like Singapore today.

2. WE MIGHT BE MORE MERITOCRATIC AND LESS RACE-BASED

Not to say that Malaysia is not meritocratic right now, I know plenty of people who were able to achieve success by their own merit in Malaysia.

However, it is just that it could be better.

REGARDLESS OF RACE, LANGUAGE & RELIGION

Lee Kuan Yew firmly believes that a nation can only be successful if it is built on meritocracy and transparency, where people who work hard and can deliver results are rewarded accordingly, regardless of race, language or religion.

This can be seen in the national pledge every Singaporean citizen has to recite during assembly every morning while they’re in school.

“We, the citizens of Singapore,

pledge ourselves as one united people,

regardless of race, language or religion,

to build a democratic society

based on justice and equality

so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and

progress for our nation.”

– Singapore’s National Pledge

However, it is important to note that this doesn’t mean that Lee Kuan Yew is against all policies that would help certain groups of people.

NEED –BASED, NOT RACE-BASED

In fact, in his books, he mentioned that there was indeed a need to have policies that would give an advantage to the underprivileged or those who might be in need of more help to have an equal footing with others and have implemented them in Singapore.

However, he did stress that such policies should be need-based and not race-based, because as there are rich Chinese, Malays or Indians; there are also poor Chinese, Indians or Malays. As a nation, he believes that all should be treated equally and those that are in need of help, regardless of race, should be helped; and those who are not, should not.

3. WE MIGHT NOT FACE A BRAIN DRAIN PROBLEM

The irony of this is that a substantial number of our top Malaysian talent have been, and are continuing to be lured away to Singapore. Plenty of my friends have become permanent residents there and if you’ve been in Singapore long enough, you will also realize that many Singaporeans were ex-Malaysians or have a parent that was an ex-Malaysian.

I myself almost became one of them. (read about why I did not here)

With their ASEAN Scholarship Program (read about my experience here), world-class education system, economy, government, a system that appreciates talent and constant effort to lure the world’s brightest minds to their country from an age as young as 12, you can clearly see Lee Kuan Yew’s commitment to build an ecosystem that would attract the world’s best to work and invest in Singapore.

HE KNEW THE TRUE VALUE OF HUMAN RESOURCE

This is because Lee Kuan Yew knows that Singapore’s only major resource is their human resource, hence such a huge emphasis on its education system and talent sourcing programs.

Of course, there are also many Singaporeans who leave Singapore for London, New York, Beijing, Hong Kong or Silicon Valley.

However, in today’s globalized world, it is perfectly normal for there to be a healthy talent exchange between the world’s biggest and most successful cities. The difference is that there are as many talented individuals from these cities that are coming to Singapore as those who are leaving, resulting in a healthy exchange of top talent, and is definitely not a brain drain.

A brain drain happens when there is only a one-way-street of top talent leaving but no talent of a similar quality coming in, which is a problem I think Malaysia is facing today.

4. WE MIGHT HAVE A MORE EFFICIENT PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM

The public transportation in Singapore is very well planned out and regulated so much so that you can get anywhere in the country without a breaking a sweat either by their well planned out MRT-lines that are the 2^nd oldest in Southeast Asia, by bus or by cab.

This was because Lee Kuan Yew understood the importance of an efficient and affordable way for its residents to get around in order for its economy and country to prosper.

Of course, Malaysia is a much bigger country and it would not be as easy to have such an efficient public transportation system to be built over the whole of Malaysia, but I believe that it is definitely possible to do so for our major cities at the very least.

If Lee Kuan Yew was Prime Minister of Malaysia, he would probably do whatever he can to make our public transportation system as efficient and pleasant as possible.

5. THERE WOULD BE LITTLE TO NO CORRUPTION

Lee Kuan Yew strongly believes that good governance, transparency and an appreciation for talent is crucial to attract foreign investments and for a country to prosper.

That is why Singapore’s government officials are one of the highest paid in the world, with their compensation regularly reviewed to match that of the private sector and is being pegged to performance.

In a way, Lee Kuan Yew rather “bribes” his own government officials by paying them a super high salary openly and transparently so that there would be no need and no incentive for them to take any bribes or have any reason to fall for the temptation of corruption.

For a government official, if you are already earning so much, you have a lot to lose and very little to gain to take the risk in accepting a bribe or falling for the temptations of corruption. Hence, it makes it easy for government officials to resist the temptations of being corrupt simply because it isn’t worth the risk.

This way, Lee Kuan Yew was able to keep his government as transparent and corruption free as possible. It is likely that he would do the same if he was the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

“I am probably the highest paid in the Commonwealth if you go by official salary, but I am probably one of the poorest in the Commonwealth…I am the best paid and probably one of the poorest of the third world prime ministers” – Lee Kuan Yew

6. WE MIGHT HAVE A MORE TRANSPARENT SYSTEM OF GOVERNANCE

With private-sector level compensation & strong enforcement, Singapore has managed to maintain one of the most transparent systems of governance in the world, which allows for a true meritocratic society to develop.

It is likely that Malaysia would have adopted similar principles and have a stronger enforcement system and transparency policy if Lee Kuan Yew had been Prime Minister.

7. WE MIGHT HAVE A MORE GLOBALLY RESPECTED EDUCATION SYSTEM

The National University of Singapore, which used to be part of our very own University of Malaya, ranks 22nd on the 2014 QS World University Ranking, while our very own University of Malaya ranked 151th.

Singapore’s education system has also been consistently ranked highly in world rankings as compared to our very own.  From my 6 years in the Singaporean system (read more here) and 6 years in the Malaysian system (primary school), I did notice a gap in the quality of the syllabus, exposure and all-round development.

However, in a way, our education system right now produces better entrepreneurs, as we would have to fight for ourselves and learn how to be resourceful in order to truly succeed. The trade-off however is that the majority who might not be as motivated or resourceful might be left out. Our ecosystem is more suited for outliers to thrive.

With more effort and stronger willpower, Malaysia might have a more globally respected education system than we already have today.

8. OUR ECONOMY MIGHT BE MUCH BIGGER & SUCCESSFUL THAN IT IS TODAY

With a better education system, more transparent system of governance, the ability to attract more top talent, better human resources, coupled with our rich natural resources, there is a possibility that our economy might be much bigger and successful that it is today.

9. THE RINGGIT IS LIKELY TO BE STRONGER

The Singapore dollar and Malaysian ringgit traded at the same rate until 1973, but 1 Singapore dollar trades for 2.68 Malaysian ringgit today.

With a likely bigger and stronger economy as a result of a likely better education system and ability to attract top talent and a more efficient management of the natural resources we have, it is likely that the ringgit would be stronger today.

10. WE MIGHT HAVE A MUCH MORE MATURE ELECTORATE

Singapore has a rather mature performing arts scene that has been cultivated through a strong emphasis on the involvement of co-curricular activities such as symphonic band, choir, drama, dance etc in schools.

When I was back in Singapore, I attended a friend’s concert or performance once every few weeks. However, I couldn’t find enough people to watch a KL PAC play or MPO concert with ever since I came back from Singapore although the tickets are much cheaper here.

However, I feel excited that the performing arts scene in Malaysia is actually up and coming and has huge potential. I realized that most developed countries would have a mature performing arts scene, probably because it is through the performing arts that we learn to laugh at ourselves and accept each other’s differences.

With the likelihood of a better education system and more exposure to the world and the performing arts, it is likely that Malaysia would have a more mature electorate that is able to explore sensitive issues with a laugh, and make well-informed decisions for themselves.

(Read more here)

11. WE ARE LIKELY TO BE MORE MALAYSIAN FIRST, RACE SECOND, A MALAYSIAN MALAYSIA

Even from his campaign in 1964, Lee Kuan Yew’s vision was always for Malaysia to be a “Malaysian Malaysia”.  Hence, it is likely that he would have made sure that this became a reality if he was ever our Prime Minister.

12. OUR AVERAGE INCOME MIGHT BE HIGHER

With the policies that Lee Kuan Yew might have implemented to ensure a world-class education system, a transparent and meritocratic system of governance, a hub to attract foreign investment and top talent, likely resulting in a stronger economy and a stronger ringgit, coupled with our larger population size and rich natural resources, there is a chance that our average income might be higher.

WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SAME?

However, it is also important to note that certain things would’ve still been the same even if Lee Kuan Yew became our Prime Minister.

1. MALAY WOULD STILL BE OUR NATIONAL LANGUAGE

Many people might not know that Malay is still the national language of Singapore, which is the reason why their national anthem “Majulah Singapura” is still sung in Malay till this date.

English is just their administrative language and the standard medium used in schools, but Malay remains their national language.

2. MALAYS & INDIGENOUS PEOPLE WOULD STILL HAVE BUMIPUTERA STATUS, BUT WITHOUT SPECIAL PRIVILEGES AND BENEFITS AS WE KNOW IT

I remembered reading in one of his books that Singapore still recognizes the special position of the Malays as the indigenous people of Singapore and that position is still protected under Article 152 of the Singapore Constitution.

However, that does not mean that Malays would enjoy special economic benefits as of right as the protection and recognition applies only to their special position as the indigenous people of Singapore and their language and culture.

Special economic benefits and privileges are given to Singaporean citizens as of need rather than as of race or ethnicity.

3. WE WOULD STILL BE A MULTI-LINGUAL & MULTI-CULTURAL SOCIETY

Lee Kuan Yew in his books mentioned that he feels that we as Southeast Asians should not forget our roots and our culture, which is why he made it a point to make the learning of one’s mother tongue compulsory for Singaporeans.

It is likely that he would do all in his power to preserve our multi-lingual and multi-cultural roots as well.

4. WE WOULD STILL GO THROUGH A “DICTATORIAL PHASE” OF GOVERNMENT

Lee Kuan Yew has been described as a benevolent dictator by many history books and articles. He has also been said to have used the Internal Security Act left by the British to curb the threat of the communists and in the process, and as some critics say, his political opponents as well.

However, from his books, I can see that his actions all come from having Singapore’s best interests at heart. So, if some of you think that Tun Mahathir’s way of governing can be seen as bordering on “dictatorial”, it is likely that Lee Kuan Yew would have been the same too. But from his books, we can expect that Lee Kuan Yew would always have our nation’s interests at heart even when he resorts to “dictatorial” practices.

5. WE WOULD STILL HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THE NEP TO GIVE AN ADVANTAGE TO CERTAIN GROUPS OF PEOPLE, BUT IT WOULD BE NEED-BASED AND NOT RACE-BASED

In his books, Lee Kuan Yew acknowledged the need for policies that will help the poor and underprivileged to even out inequality, but stressed that they should not be raced-based, but need-based. As long as a Singaporean citizen, regardless of their race, falls into the category where they would need some government assistance, it shall be given to them.

6. WE WOULD STILL HAVE PLENTY OF GOOD FOOD & KNOW HOW TO SPEAK OUR MOTHER TONGUES

All Singaporeans today are fluent in the English language. However, they still speak their mother tongues and appreciate their cultural practices and food although I have to say that in my personal opinion Malaysian food is much better and we tend to be much better at our dialects and mother-tongues.

Nevertheless, even if Lee Kuan Yew had been our Prime Minister, I believe that we would still have plenty of good food as we have today and still know how to speak our mother tongues.

Hence, that pretty much sums up the ways in which I think Malaysia might be different today or similar if Lee Kuan Yew was ever our Prime Minister.

LOVE OUR COUNTRY AS HE DID HIS, AND WE’LL DETERMINE OUR NATION’S OWN DESTINY

I might be wrong.

But nevertheless, I believe that we as Malaysians should learn to love our country. Whether you liked the way Malaysia might have been different today if Lee Kuan Yew had been our Prime Minister or shared his vision for Malaysia or not, I believe that as long as we Malaysians work as hard and fight as hard as Lee Kuan Yew did with his country’s best interests at heart, in his case Singapore and in our case Malaysia, Malaysia would slowly but surely become the great and successful nation that we envision it to be, or more than how great it already is today.

“At the end of the day, what have I got?

A successful Singapore.

What have I given up? My life.”

– Lee Kuan Yew

*Disclaimer*

This is just a personal piece to explore my imagination on what might have happened if someone whom I have always regarded as a great leader who recently passed away had been the Prime Minister of my country. It is in no way whatsoever meant to draw a comparison with anyone or any organization. It is just a part of my personal imagination of the “what ifs” and “would haves” if history had taken a different turn at some point, which I can never be entirely sure of in the first place. I would also like to say that I love my country and everyone and every bit of its history that has made us who we are today.  I also have great respect for the men who built my country, Malaysia, especially our founding father Tunku Abdul Rahman and Tun Mahathir whom I personally admire for his vision and wit, all of whom have contributed to building Malaysia into the country I love and am proud of today. Factual references in this piece are also written from my memory of the books and articles that I’ve read, and hence might be wrong or inaccurate due to the limitations of my memory, of which I did not re-verify because this piece was never meant to be anything more than a personal expression of my imagination for personal consumption. So there is really no reason for anyone reading this to feel threatened or insulted in any way because this is merely an innocent piece of my personal imagination of what might have happened if a man that has already passed away had played a different role in his life.

*UPDATE*

If you’re interested, here’s a follow up piece on “8 Ways Malaysians Can Do Our Part To Help Our Country Fulfill Its Full Potential Regardless Of Who Our Prime Minister May Be“

Enjoy & Have A Great Day Ahead!

Ever been out with a friend or a bunch of friends and happen to bump into some friends of theirs?

Ever had them engaging so deeply in conversation that you felt awkward and left out, start looking at your phone or struggle to decide whether to be proactive and say hi or simply just disappear into the background?

I am sure we’ve all been through that, especially here in Malaysia where we don’t have a particularly strong introduction culture.

That’s why, as nice, respectful and considerate friends, here’s a list of the reasons why we should start adapting an introduction culture and start introducing our friends to each other when they meet.

I feel that something like this should be common courtesy and manners that each and every one of us should learn to cultivate.

1. So Nobody Would Feel Left Out

If you’ve been on the receiving end of this you’ll know how it feels to be left out all of a sudden when the friend you’re with starts talking with a friend they’ve just bumped into for a really long time about topics and people that you don’t know anything about, leaving you all alone and feeling left out.

Of course, those of us who are more confident would be able to work this one out by being proactive and taking the initiative to introduce ourselves, and that’s what I’d usually do.

However, over the years since coming back to Malaysia, I’ve realized that Malaysians in general are not too receptive of this behavior. They might think that you’re being too friendly, too pushy or weird; which till this day I still can’t quite grasp why. Perhaps most Malaysians are just not that used to meeting genuinely friendly people who would say hi to strangers.

Furthermore, doing so would also take a certain amount of courage, which is fine on a good day when your self-esteem is high, but might take a bit more effort on a bad day.

Things would just be so much easier and so much more comfortable if our common friend could just start by making a simple introduction.

So, to avoid making our friends feel left out, please remember to make an introduction whenever your friends meet.

2. So It Won’t Get Awkward

If our friends are not properly introduced, and either party is not a particularly great conversationalist, the situation can get pretty awkward.

Simply because accidents can happen when people don’t know enough about each other to start off a conversation with and might accidentally step on each other’s toes. Furthermore, the stranger who ends up introducing themselves, if they do, would come across as “intrusive”.

(I personally don’t see how this can be intrusive at all but well, somehow, some people feel that way.)

Either that, or it’s just going to be weird if there is this “extra” person who’s nearby looking at their phones or being part of a conversation that they know nothing about and throwing an awkward smile every once in a while.

So, to prevent such uncomfortable awkwardness, please make that introduction.

3. So Everyone Feels Comfortable

When you’re with people whom you don’t know a thing about and they’re talking about people or things you can’t relate to, you’ll naturally feel uncomfortable.

You’ll have that “Why am I here” feeling.

But things would be very different our mutual friend made that introduction.

 4. Because Only You Can Do It

Guess what, in such situations, only the person who knows everyone is in a position to make an introduction!

So if you’re the mutual friend, it has to be you!

5. To Plant Sparks In Hopes Of Fireworks

We are actually surrounded by amazing people in our extended network, it’s just that we haven’t been introduced yet!

I’ve had friends from different circles of my life going on to be soul mates or best of friends, and they got to know each other because of a simple introduction I made on a random occasion or on one of my random outings. And to think that they might have never met if it wasn’t for that introduction I made, is sad and scary.

(Here’s a story on a group of strangers who became awesome friends because they got introduced)

The thing is, you’ll never know what could happen. There probably won’t be any follow-up from most of the introductions you make, but for those few that go on to become lasting friendships or even love stories, it’s worth it.

Besides, what do you lose by making an introduction anyway, so just make it!

(Here are some tips on how to make an introduction if you’re interested)

“For those few that go on to become lasting friendships or even love stories, it’s worth it.”

If you’re wondering how you could easily introduce your friends to each other, here are some tips that might help you do so.

1. INTRODUCE YOUR FRIENDS RIGHT AFTER SAYING HI

Introduce them at once after saying hi so you don’t keep either of them waiting.

Don’t let there be any opportunity for either of your friends to feel awkward or left out.

E.g.

*Bump into another group of friends*

“Hey Henry, what a co-incidence!”

“By the way have you met John?”

2. INTRODUCE THEM BY THEIR NAMES

*continuation from above*

“John, this is Henry”

“Henry, this is John”

3. DESCRIBE YOUR FRIENDS BRIEFLY AND HIGHLIGHT THEIR STRENGTHS/BEST QUALITIES

“John is my high school friend who’s now a pilot, he’s a really cool guy who loves sports”

“Henry is my colleague, he’s really good at cooking!”

4. POINT OUT SIMILARITIES IN INTERESTS/BACKGROUND/LIFESTYLE

“Oh by the way Henry/John is a Man Utd fan/loves musicals/loves basketball too!

*pointing out similarity*

Maybe you both can (do the activity) together!”

*suggestion to build rapport*

5. INVOLVE EVERYONE IN CONVERSATIONS (FILL THEM IN)

Sometimes, we might get carried away talking to a friend about something  or somebody that our other friend has absolutely no idea about.

This would cause our other friend to feel awkward and “extra”, the “what am I doing here” feeling.

So, as friends, we should fill our friends in to make sure they feel comfortable.

E.g.

*when you are talking about someone your other friend doesn’t know*

To your other friend: “Just in case you’re wondering, Jane is our classmate from high school who recently….

(fill your friend in on the context of the conversation)”

*when you are talking about an event that your other friend doesn’t know about*

“John bought a car recently, that’s why he’s asking/thinking about….”

6. GIVE THEM TIME TO TALK TO EACH OTHER

Once you’ve planted these conversation starters and properly introduced them, give them some time to find out more about each other.

You never know what could happen as a result of this simple introduction you’ve made!

“You might just have introduced two future good friends, soul mates, business partners, or travel buddies to each other!”

Time is one of the extremely valuable things in our lives that we can’t get back once we’ve given it to someone. Once we block out a timeslot to spend with someone, that time is gone forever.

“Time that we’ve given or committed to someone is something that we can never ever get back, a part of our lives that will be lost forever, so it better be worth it and not be wasted…”

People need to learn to understand that it is a huge privilege and honour for someone to agree to spend a part of their lives that they can’t ever get back with you, even if it is just for a 15 mins meeting.

That is why, I feel that it is extremely important for us to respect each other’s time, appreciate it and not waste any of it; because otherwise, we would be literally robbing someone of their life and precious time on earth.

1. SET A DATE AND CONFIRM FAST

If you’ve already decided or agreed to meet someone or go for an outing, then open up your schedule, find an available date, set it, block out that slot and confirm fast.

If you have too many free dates and do not know how to choose, then let the other person know all of them and let them choose.

If your available timeslots don’t match, then provide a list of available timeslots weeks or months ahead, or as far into the future as it takes until you find one that does, and confirm it.

Either that, or just cancel and try again next year or during your next “available period”.

“Don’t have a ‘tidak apa’ attitude, it is an inconsiderate act of selfishness”

Some of us tend to adopt a more casual or “tidak apa” attitude towards this because we are either not on a tight schedule, have nothing really important to do or simply only care about ourselves.

But bear in mind that the person we’re meeting or are going on an outing with might not. They might have a tight schedule, many important things to do and many slots that are urgently waiting to be filled and confirmed but can’t be filled yet because they are waiting on our confirmation and respect us enough to entertain our deely-daley-ness and inconsiderate indecisiveness.

So don’t leave it hanging.

“Communicate. Set a date & confirm fast.”

Even if the other person schedules other things first and is busy with their lives, having to think about confirming the date and time with you at the back of their minds is a huge waste of time and brainpower for them as well.

So decide. It’s either a yes or no. If yes, decide when and where fast.

2. SAY NO OR EXPLAIN UNAVAILABILITY QUICKLY

For a lot of Malaysians, we are often stuck in the “maybe” zone, and this very reply and state of mind (a state of indecisiveness) is what wastes a lot of time.

If we are feeling “maybe” about something, we should really just say no, and if you’re courteous, explain why. This is because mostly, the fact is that we simply don’t care enough to make something happen and make it a yes.

In that case, just say no and don’t waste anyone’s time.

“Decide whether it is a yes or no, either make it happen or not, don’t be an even bigger asshole by further wasting someone’s time…”

A lot of times, we are reluctant to say no because the reasons behind it makes us feel like an asshole.

The fact is, if it does, then we are an asshole and we should just admit it, because if we say maybe and waste other people’s time, we are just being even bigger assholes than we already are. So either don’t be an asshole and say yes and make it happen, or just admit it and say no and not waste someone’s time.

“Have the courtesy to explain why if you really want to but can’t”

If you really want to meet or make something happen but can’t due to various good reasons, then explain it immediately.

This way, at least you will both know and understand what is happening and can work something out together. Don’t leave others waiting or guessing and waste their time in doing so, because it is not a pleasant process and might cause misunderstandings as well.

So if it is a no, say so quickly. If you are courteous, then do explain why. If you really want to but can’t, explain the situation promptly and I am sure something can be worked out in no time.

3. DO NOT CANCEL OVER PETTY ISSUES

Of course, emergencies happen, and if something really urgent and important came up, it is perfectly fine to cancel and re-schedule.

But we would be horrible time-robbers if we cancelled over petty issues or because someone you wanted to meet more wanted to meet at the same time.

Well, this is a matter or priority and how much you respect each other’s time.

“Respect people’s time equally and try not to be selfish…”

Personally, I respect everyone’s time equally and am not a selfish person.

So I would never cancel or re-schedule if other friends or people I cared about more wanted to meet at the same time, because I respect everyone’s time equally and they would just have to wait. But of course, if I cared more about them, I would have naturally scheduled in more time with them on another date. However, I do make exceptions for urgent and special circumstances that I have no control over such as for someone who’s only in town for that particular weekened, has a flight to catch or if it is an urgent emergency. Having said that, I would still make it a point to explain why I really had to cancel and am very sorry about it and promise to make up for it, and really do make up for it as soon as possible.

In short, we would be robbing someone of their time if we cancel over petty issues because they would have already committed that timeslot to meeting you and would have rejected other opportunities or activities in your favour. Furthermore, it is also not always, and often not possible to schedule a replacement activity or meet in time because you cancelled, so that slot would’ve been wasted in some ways although they can spend time doing their own personal things.

So don’t cancel over petty issues, only do so if it is an urgent and important emergency.

“Make sure you make it up to someone if you do cancel, because you would have wasted their time in some way or another…”

Having said that, I also feel that if we do happen to have to cancel due to an urgent and important emergency, the onus should be on us to make up for it and initiate a replacement meet or outing to make up for it, because we would have wasted their time nevertheless and we should do something about it.

4. BE ON TIME

Given the unpredictable circumstances of Malaysian traffic conditions, parking problems and culture, perhaps it is impossible to expect on the dot precision like the Japanese do.

Having said that, we should still always try our best to be on time by aiming to arrive early to compensate for the many delays that might occur along the way.

In a Malaysian context, a margin of 10-15mins is still arguably acceptable, but if it is anywhere more than 30mins, then you would definitely be robbing someone of their time.

Personally, I also feel that if we are the one who initiated the meeting, or if we are in a position to most benefit from the meeting or outing, then the onus should be on us to put in the extra effort required to make sure that we are absolutely on time and not have the other person wait for us.

5. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD & INFORM EARLY

If we had a flat tire, got involved in an accident, will be late, or had something urgent come up and have no choice but to re-schedule, it would be our responsibility and also common courtesy and manners to be straightforward and honest in informing the people we are meeting of the situation as soon as possible so that they have time to make plans to make good use of their time due to the your cancellation or delay.

Even though some of us might not appreciate our own time, bear in mind that others do, and I am sure a lot of people would appreciate such gestures and manners from us, especially busy people who have many important things to do.

If you are one, I am sure you would understand.

If you are not one right now, perhaps you would become one someday, and you would finally grow to understand this.

Nevertheless, someone’s time is a part of their life that they can never ever get back once it is spent or being committed to you.

DON’T BE A TIME ROBBER

So don’t rob them of it, and in the same way don’t rob yourself of your own precious time on earth.

Do share this message around if you think it is worth sharing and would help save yourself and countless other people from getting their precious time robbed from them.

“All of us only have a limited amount of time on earth, so don’t rob others and ourselves of it…”

Darling,

Right now, at the time of writing, you might or might not have met me yet; but I just wanted you to know that even from today, I have vowed to love you with all my heart & soul, to always be there for you & try my utmost best to make you the happiest woman in this world.

By choosing to marry me, you’ve probably found a way to appreciate all the sweet little things that I’ll do for you from time to time to not find them annoying, the little notes that I’ll write you from time to time, the random poems, the random improvised songs on a guitar which I think are sweet & funny, but can actually be quite lame & childish at times, and the random surprises I’ll throw you in an attempt to brighten up your day.

The truth is, I’ve been practicing them all along on friends & random occasions, and I hope my skills would be good enough to make you laugh by the time I finally find you.

THANK YOU FOR BEING WILLING TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE WITH ME

I also want to thank you for having the courage to go on this long & exciting adventure, called life, together with me; especially when you’ve found out about my dreams & passion in trying to help Malaysia fulfill its full potential (story here) , in the process having to embark on the extremely challenging journey of entrepreneurship & start-ups (story here), in hopes of being able to build a world-class product that could leave a significant positive impact on the world, making it a better place while in the process attaining the financial & economic influence needed to make a difference in my country.

It’s hard. I know. It’s very hard.

Most would think that it is impossible, that I am hallucinating, that I am overestimating my abilities, or that I am only speaking of such a dream in an attempt to impress or satisfy my ego.

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING & SUPPORTING MY DREAMS

You would have had to have known me enough to know that my passion is real, that I truly care for others and making a difference in my country and I, of all people, am the last person that would ever say something just to impress others or satisfy my ego, because I am the sort who is comfortable in my own little introverted world.

Plus, with the tremendous amount of challenges & sacrifice, financial and mental, needed to achieve this, together with the fact that only 1 in 10 start-ups would eventually succeed, the fact that I am doing this in a region where the ecosystem is not entirely ready to build billion dollar companies, exits are relatively small, mainly comprised of localized versions of globally proven products, and even if I do succeed, there is no guarantee of me being able to make an impact, that achieving just one of these milestones might take me years to decades, and maybe even a lifetime, and would require me to give most of my wealth away, it simply makes no sense for me to do it if I wasn’t genuinely passionate about it.

You would know that every single day, I ask myself whether I am hallucinating, whether I am the right person to give this dream a try, whether I have what it takes, whether I am good enough, and whether I should just give up & live a simple & comfortable life as a lawyer, conventional investor or an investment planner.

But you would also know that I am doing all that I am doing not for myself, but because I feel that it is what God has called me to do, through an extensive series of events that happened when I first started having a personal relationship with God. You would know of my testimony, and know that although I have doubts about this from time to time, that God has always reassured me, that I have faith in Him.

Furthermore, you would also know that I think that life is short, and would like to live life to the fullest, have no regrets, and try my very best in everything I do. (Story here)

So this is me trying, despite my doubts about myself, because I believe in God, I believe in trying, and I believe in my ability to learn & do whatever it takes, that my best will forever be improving, that one day, hopefully it will be good enough, to at least try to make my dreams a reality, that the chance of it succeeding and lives it could impact would be worth it, and that no matter what happens, the journey will be a fun & exciting one, a roller-coaster ride, full ups & downs, one that I hope to embrace, cherish and share together with you, an adventure of a lifetime.

THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME

It must’ve taken a lot of faith for you to believe in my abilities, for you to care enough to find out more about me & my dreams, the reason why I am pursuing them, understand them, have faith in my extremely detailed step-by-step plan in achieving them and support me in my pursuit of them.

You must have gotten to know me pretty well to be able to believe in my ability to learn & achieve things, from the way I do things, react to things and my past achievements so far; and also to believe that I have the character to be a good husband & a good father, from my actions, from the way I treat people, the way I think, the way I hold true & act on my principles & values, react to situations and especially what I do or not do when nobody is looking or nobody knows.

I cannot promise you that I will be successful, but I can promise you that I will keep trying, will remain positive, and will give my best. I am confident in my ability to earn, learn & achieve from my past experiences, and am quite confident that we will have an amazing adventure and a comfortable life together, but for you to be able to see it and believe it as I do would require you really getting to know me over time and taking a leap of faith, therefore I thank you for that.

Furthermore, by now, we probably both understand that happiness doesn’t come from achievements or material wealth, it comes from within, from being contented, and having someone to share the joys of life together and having someone to support and encourage you during difficult times, having someone to be there for you and go on this long journey and adventure called life together no matter what happens. (More here)

We both would understand the simple fact that, as long as we are together, we would be happy; and this, is what’s most important.

THANK YOU FOR INVESTING YOUR TIME TO GET TO KNOW ME

I don’t know how you were able to do it, to believe in me, and to care enough to find out more about me. But I am glad you did, and I can’t thank you enough for it, which is why I think you are absolutely amazing, and would love you from the bottom of my heart until the day I die.

I really want to thank you for having such a big heart, to be able to accept me for who I am, for understanding my values & principles, and also to accept and love my friends as much as I love them.

Thank you so much for understanding that my friends are extremely important to me, and for understanding & sharing the values I believe in, to love God whole-heartedly & love people fervently. I know it is hard, that’s why it would’ve been very hard for me to continue to hold true to these values and live my life doing so if not for your love, encouragement & support.

As you would’ve probably also found out, I value my friendships a lot, and have many close friends, bros, and god sisters whom I am really close to and love. Thank you for understanding that I love them as my own siblings, and for accepting and loving them as you would a brother or sister-in-law, although they are not my real siblings. (Reason can be found here & here)

NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THE SPECIAL PLACE YOU HAVE IN MY HEART

Thank you for understanding and realizing that although I love them a lot and would do a lot for them, more than some less loving people would do for their other halves, none of them can ever take your special place in my heart, that very special place that could only fit one person, which I have always been reserving for you.

That single most valuable place in my heart, that is reserved only for my soul mate, the most important person in my life, the person with the keys to my entire heart & soul, all my secrets and everything I ever knew of, the top priority in my life, the person who could heavily influence the decisions I make in life, the person I would always save first if my mom and the person, my god siblings or any other person fell into the sea and I could only save one, the person whom I would love with the most precious part of my heart that no one else can get access to, the person I would literally die for, and that person is you.

THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME

I also want to thank you for being patient with me, for taking some time to really get to know you before really making romantic advances and going after you, because I am not the kind of guy who would go after a girl just because she is pretty or attractive, because I am more attracted to someone’s heart & character, which would take me some time to discover, and also because knowing me, I would love the girl that I eventually decide to commit into a relationship with so much that even though I have strong & rational opinions of my own, I would probably give in to her wishes eventually if she insists on it.

She would have a very strong influence over my life & the decisions I make, in how I use my abilities, how I treat people and how I choose to live life, as you would probably have realized by now. That is why I thank you for your patience in understanding why I need to take some time to find out if you had the heart & character that would help make me a better person, be able to accept & love a person such as myself, and not abuse the influence you would have over me.

And of course, thank you for not being scared away by the sincerity, honesty and possibly intensity when I eventually went after you.

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING MY FAITH

I would also like to thank you for attempting to understand the role God has in my life, that most of the principles & values I hold true, the things I do and pursue in life are largely influenced by Him. I do not know whether you are already a Christian right now, or like me before, a rationalist and skeptic still looking for answers, or simply enjoying life & not thinking about stuff like these at the moment; but I thank you for eventually attempting to understand why I do what I do & believe in what I believe in, and giving God a chance, in attempting to explore His love for yourself.

This is important to me because without your understanding, I wouldn’t be able to live a life where I put God first in everything I do, because knowing me, I would love you so much that you would be first instead of God, unless you too have found God for yourself, and believe that we should put God first, so we can embark on this exciting journey together where we put God first in our lives.

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME

There is also a high chance that you, my beloved wife, could be my first and only girlfriend, because at the moment of writing, I am 24 and have yet to commit into a romantic relationship, despite receiving interests from potential suitors, because I have been holding out for you, someone who has the patience to truly get to know me and what I am up to, someone who has the capacity to understand and support my values, principles, and dreams, someone who would be willing to go on an adventure of a lifetime with me, facing the ups and downs might hold together.

Sometimes, I do wonder whether I am being too picky, whether I should hold out until I finally find you, but I realized that I should, because if I get into a relationship just for the sake of it, I might end up hurting the other person should they not be fully aware of the dreams, values and principles I hold, or do not have the capacity to understand or support them.

Hence, since there is a high chance that you could be my first and only girlfriend, I would have a lot to learn about being a good boyfriend and being in a relationship. So I’d like to thank you for loving me enough to guide me through it and hopefully make up for my lack of experience.

But don’t worry, if my history in other things is a good guide to fall back on, I should be a pretty fast learner, I hope.

Well, at this moment, I do not yet know how we would eventually meet; maybe we have, but I do not know it yet, but whatever the case, I would like to thank you for assuming the best in me from the start and not judging me too soon.

As you would probably have found out by now, I am a genuinely & sincerely friendly guy. I love meeting new people, getting to know them better and build lasting friendships. I would regularly check in on my friends, make sure I spend enough quality time with them, make sure I’ll be there for them when they need me, and I love to get to know people better individually over coffee, both guys and girls.

THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS ASSUMING THE BEST IN ME

Chances are you might have been one of them, so thank you for assuming the best in me from the start, and not thinking that I was overly friendly, having ulterior motives, insincere or was trying to impose my views on you by sharing what I have learnt & thought would be beneficial to share as some people would if a stranger did so.

Thank you for investing the time & having the faith required to know that I am indeed a sincere friend.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY TOP PRIORITY

Now that we are married, thank you also for having such a big heart to care for my friends as I care for yours, to support me in continually checking in and spending quality time with my friends, being there for them, spending quality time with them, having coffee with them and continue to get to know more new friends, and joining me whenever you are free.

You might have also realized by now that although I care a lot about people, you will always be my top priority. You would always be at the top of my list of people to love and care about, to spend quality time with and to be there for, simply because you are my wife, my soul mate, the person I love the most and the most important person in my life, whom I have committed to spend the rest of my life with.

LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING OUR LIVES TOGETHER

I also hope you’d share my passion for living life to the fullest and love the little adventures that I’ll bring you on, the random road trips, backpacking trips, luxury trips or just the random treasure hunt for good food, or some random crazy idea that we might come up with together like taking whichever is the first flight out of the airport (like these).

I might not know you yet, but I am looking forward to share your passions and interests with you, and I am pretty sure I’d love them too because I am a generally curious person who’d like to try anything at least once. Of course, it would be fun if you’d also attempt to appreciate my interests such as music, performing arts, good food, travelling, exploring new places, spending quality time in cooling places like mountains with a cup of hot coffee, and so on.

THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING ME FOR WHO I AM

Of course, I also want to thank you for accepting & understanding my flaws and imperfections, or at least tolerate them.

Things like my somewhat extreme swings in thought and behaviour depending on the situation that can come across as contradictory and hypocritical at first, like how I can be very serious when I am supposed to be serious, but surprisingly carefree and goofy when there is no need to, how I am actually a very emotionally based person, who can also be very logical when it is best to be logical, how I can be shy but yet friendly, how I can be conservative & careful most of the time, but embrace extremely high risks when there is a need to or within the limits I’ve prepared for, how I can be hyper, crazy and talkative sometimes, but quiet and emotional when I’m feeling moody.

You would also probably have found out by now that deep down inside, I am actually a very shy and introverted guy, a guy who din’t even dare to order KFC from the counter when he was young because he was afraid that the person wouldn’t sell him KFC.

It’s just that over the years, I’ve found the strength and the capacity to expand my circle of trust significantly by assuming the best in others and loving others sincerely, by understanding why people are the way they are, accepting them the way they are and also through the love of God, which allowed me to be the genuinely friendly and caring person I am today.

Thank you for understanding and accepting all these about me.

I also realized that I might not be as good looking as Lee Hom or Tom Cruise, but thank you for being able to find my tall and unique features, which I personally find to be quite alright, attractive. But more importantly, thank you for spending enough time to get to know my full character, personality, unique sense of humour and engaging me at that level, because that is where the true foundation of a successful relationship can be built, when all our beauty and physical attractiveness fades in years to come.

I don’t know when you will be reading this, but if we are really old by then, I hope we can be like one of those old, wrinkled couples in their 80s & 90s in the park, where anything else in the world would not matter anymore, where they’ll be happy as long as they have each other, where they do not need to say a word to know that they care and love each other, where the mere presence and company of each other is enough to make them smile & feel loved.

LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU SOON

Honestly, at this point, I can’t be entirely sure whether you even exist, or if you do, whether I’ll meet you before you’ve decided to give your heart to someone else. You might still be discovering what you want to do in life right now, in another relationship, in another country, or simply just living an awesome life.

But whatever the case, I just want to tell you that I love you, and thank you for choosing me as your husband, loving me, having the patience to get to know me, understand me, believing in me and being willing to go on an adventure of a lifetime together with me. You might not have realized that you have such a big & loving heart to love and accept someone like me yet, or you never believed you could, but I just want to you to know that I believe in you too, and I have faith that I will find you one day, and help you discover and realize how amazing you are.

Meanwhile, I will continue to search for you, and I look forward to the day I can find out more about you, love you, and start this adventure together, because I know it will be awesome.

Love,
Your Future Husband

P/S: I hope you don’t mind long letters :p

 “If you manage to find the right partner, life would be like heaven on earth, and I’m glad I finally found you.”

Have you watched this short film by Wong Fu Productions?

STRANGERS AGAIN: SHORT FILM

This short film brings us through the journey of a typical couple, from the time they first met, the great times they had together, and eventually ending up feeling like complete strangers and not knowing much about each other merely a few months after a breakup.

The funny thing is, this actually happens a lot in friendships as well, albeit being on a much smaller emotional scale.

FRIENDS WHO SEEM LIKE STRANGERS AGAIN

How many times have you met someone, or a bunch of people; with whom you’ve had an absolutely great time together during a particular event or a certain period of your life, but have totally lost contact with today?

People whom if you were to bump into on the street today, you’d struggle to think of something to talk about beyond the usual:

“Hey how are you! It’s been so long!”

“I’m good.”

“You?”

“Good too.”

 “….”

Stuck.

Insert long moment of awkward silence and staring at each other blankly desperately searching for the next line…

At this point, if you’re both rushing for time, you would either:

1. Move on with a “catch up soon”

which deep down inside, you both know will probably never happen even if you’d liked it to; or if you happen to have to some time to kill:

2. Settle on talking about the past

which would take up the rest of the session, and that’s about as far as it goes.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

I don’t know about you guys, but have you ever wondered why someone whom we’ve had such a great time with in the past can now seem like a total stranger?

Maybe I am more sentimental than most people, but I feel sad whenever something like this happens, to think of how once good friends eventually grow apart and missed out on all the potentially fun times and amazing things that we could have shared and done together.

FRIENDS OF CONVENIENCE

Over the years, I realized that a significant number of the people we meet in life will just be friends of convenience.

In the sense that you will only have a great time and hang out with one another as long as it is convenient for you to do so because you will have to see each other regularly anyway.

For example, if you happen to go to the same school, college, church or workplace.

You will realize that once you move on with your respective lives and it is no longer convenient for you all to hang out, where you no longer happen to meet each other regularly at school or church and extra effort is needed to schedule a catch up or hangout session, you will slowly drift apart, and sometimes years and even decades can pass by without you even bumping into each other again.

Now, it is perfectly normal for people to move on with life and naturally drift apart, plus most people you’ll meet in life are probably just going be passing by anyway.

That is just how life is.

SHOULD WE TRY HARDER TO KEEP SOME FRIENDS AROUND?

However, if there was someone, or a group of people whom you really enjoyed being with, and would love to keep around if you could; wouldn’t it be worth it for us to put in that little extra effort needed to maintain that friendship?

Wouldn’t it be sad if you drifted apart just like that?

Just because you’re caught up with the so-called “busyness” of life, which you’ll later realize are mostly meaningless, endless and dull routines? Just precious days and weeks of your life that’s wasted?

Of course, that would be totally different if you’re one of those out there changing the world every day, but that’s not the case for most people.

In fact, those who are out there changing the world every day are often the ones that would realize how short life is, how little time we actually have on earth and how important it is to spend enough time maintaining friendships and spending meaningful time with people.

Surprisingly, they are often the ones who would put in that extra effort to make a meeting or a catch-up session happen, because they know that it is important, and that if they don’t make it happen now, it probably never will.

MY PARENTS AND THEIR LONELINESS

You know, my parents are much older than me. My mom had me when she was 40 and when my dad was 50, they are 64 and 74 respectively this year.

As a kid, I’ve always wondered why they din’t seem to have much friends.

In fact, it was closer to none. Perhaps it was because they did not have the technology we have today like facebook for them to keep in touch, or perhaps they might be the more shy and introverted type.

But as I met more people and got to know more people who are past their 30s and 40s, I soon realized that my parents were not alone.

The older someone gets, the less friends they would have. They would often reminisce about the good old times, and tell me many stories of the great times that they had with their friends back in the days.

A STORY OF REGRET

But their stories would almost always end with a long, awkward and sad silence.

The point at which they realized they have not the slightest clue about how their friends are doing right now, the friends they so loved and had fun with once.

All I could see in their eyes was regret.

The regret of not putting in that little extra effort to make that long awaited catch-up session happen back then, the regret of letting people who once mattered to you drift away without a fight.

Looking back, they probably regretted choosing that extra few hours of sleep on a Saturday morning over the chance to catch up with a good friend, or that night they turned a gathering invitation down because of their favourite TV show.

It is just a sad, sad sight to behold.

A ROCK-SOLID FRIENDSHIP: AN ILLUSION?

Well, some of us are of the view that really good friends should be able to not meet for a long time but still be able to talk about anything under the sun as if nothing’s changed.

That, to some, is the definition of a rock-solid friendship.

While there is some truth to it, I personally think that for a friendship to remain rock-solid, both parties would still need to put in consistent effort in maintaining the friendship, and that is assuming that sufficient effort has already been put in to build the friendship till a rock-solid state in the first place.

POSSIBLE, BUT RARE

Instances where really good friends are able to not meet for a long time but still be able to talk about anything under the sun as if nothing’s changed requires a really strong foundation for it to be possible.

Such instances are really rare to come by because it takes a really long time to build such a strong foundation, and since most friendships start off as friendships of conveniences, a really long time where it was convenient for both parties to build such a strong foundation so much so that it could last a long time.

Usually, such friends would’ve been our best friends through primary and secondary school, “hometown friends” or our long time neighbours, people who’ve been through enough with you and seen enough variations of you to know your true character, personality and the true you when nobody is looking.

Even so, you probably still meet at least once a year to update each other on your lives, and when you do, you usually spend quite a long time filling each other in, so it’s not really such a “long” time after all.

THE TRUTH IS THAT PEOPLE CHANGE, AND GROW

Even with such strong foundations, if years had passed since you last met or checked in on each other, although it might seem like you are still able to talk about anything under the sun and nothing has changed on the surface, the truth is that deep down inside, you know that you weren’t exactly the same person you were when you last met, and you’ll also find that you’ll have large gaps of knowledge about your friend, that things have changed, and you’ve missed large chunks of each other’s lives and vice versa.

The fact is that people are continuously changing, and continuously growing, because things keep happening to us in life, and every single experience we go through influences and shapes us into the person we eventually become bit by bit, experience by experience, sometimes so minute that we might not even notice it ourselves. But when you look back at yourself from a few years back, you know that you’ve changed somewhat.

So, if years had passed since you last caught up with a friend, no matter how strong the foundation was, there will be a difference.

I know because I’ve been through it.

THE INVISIBLE BUT GROWING GAP, AND BARRIER

Even if you seem to still be able to talk about anything under the sun and have a great time, deep down inside, you know that you are somewhat a different person than you were before.

You’ll realize that your friend doesn’t know about many of the important things that happened to you over the past few years that affected you in many ways. Similarly, you also realized that you do not know about the many important things that happened to your friend over the same period and you’re just starting to find out.

Of course, all will be fine if there was enough time for the both of you to fill each other in on all the details during your catch-up session.

THE LIMITATION OF TIME

But that is often not the case, unless you happen to have week-long getaway catch-up sessions. Usually, all we get is a few hours over brunch, or a few hours over a party, which is definitely not enough to fill each other in on all the significant events that happened to us over the last few years which affected us in different ways.

In the end, most of us would rather just focus on talking about the good old times we had together, the more exciting things that are happening in our lives at the moment and just briefly skimming through the major events that happened to us over the years, simply because we want to keep the mood as lively as possible and doing so is the easiest way to have a good time in such a limited time.

RECOUNTING AND FILLING SOMEONE IN IS TIRESOME

You will also realize that it is extremely tiring and tedious to recall and recount things that has happened to you some time ago, especially so those less happy things that likely affected you the most, so most people would rather just skip that altogether or if they do mention it, they mention it briefly.

While nothing much might have changed in a few years between the time the both of you met, the undeniable fact is that you would have left out quite a lot in your short brunch session that was mainly spent reminiscing about the good old days, updating each other on the few exciting stuff that’s coming up and instagramming about the food and how happy you are to meet each other, and that gap is bound to widen if your next catch up session is going to be another few years down the road.

WHEN IT IS TOO LATE

By that time, the gap might be wide enough for you to feel that there is a substantial barrier and gap between the both of you, and you’ll realize that although you still like each other as friends and as people, you simply do not know each other as well, are not as close and are not as comfortable to share as much with each other anymore.

If you’re lucky, the both of you would do something about it and be regularly involved in each other’s lives again.

Otherwise, the both of you would just slowly remember each other as “this really nice friend I had since some time ago”, but they would cease to be someone you would be able to talk about anything under the sun to or someone you would call when you really need a friend.

EFFORT IS NEEDED TO MAINTAIN ANY FRIENDSHIP

So yes, if you’ve managed to build a rock-solid friendship, you can probably afford to not meet as often to maintain the friendship.

But you will still have to meet every once in a while and have quality catch up sessions to fill each other in on your lives and build new experiences together, otherwise your once rock-solid friendship would slowly but surely fade as well.

THE CASE FOR MOST FRIENDSHIPS

However, most friendships are nowhere near rock-solid to begin with when we moved on with our lives and it no longer became convenient for us to build such friendships, that is where more effort is required from both sides to not only maintain such friendships, but also build such friendships and really get to know each other better.

Now, I am not saying that friends need to meet every other week to successfully maintain a friendship, or that we should try to build a friendship with every single person whom we’ve ever met in our lives, because that is simply not possible as we only have 24 hours in a day and have a maximum capacity of friendships we can maintain in our lifetime.

DO IT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTH IT

All I am trying to say is that if there was someone or some group of friends you’ve made whom you’d really love to keep around, maybe it would be worth it for us to put in a little more effort in maintaining such friendships to at least try to stay involved in each other’s lives.

It doesn’t require too much of our time, perhaps just an occasional whatsapp convo or fb chat to check in on each other, coupled with a casual brunch, coffee or outing every few months or each year.

These alone would be sufficient.

But of course, not everyone would want to maintain such a friendship with you, and I’ve also realized that although some would love to, they do not understand how easy it is to part ways with someone forever, and how huge a difference simple little gestures like these can help prevent that from happening yet.

So yes, it can still be hard, but at least you can say that you’ve tried your best, and have no regrets.

THE VIDEO THAT GOT ME THINKING

As I was watching this final scene from this episode of How I Met Your Mother (Season 9, Episode 21, 16:30 onwards), I just realized how true Ted’s words were, that it is so easy to part ways with someone forever, and I mean FOREVER!

It just made me realize what a waste it is to part ways with someone you truly cared about and would’ve loved to keep around just because you were too “busy” being caught up with the apparent “busyness” of life.

It reminded me that it was absolutely worth it to put in that little more effort to check in on someone from time to time and catch up with someone over brunch or coffee regularly, although most people, especially those who are below 35, are still too young to realize this yet.

DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE

So friends, if you’ve met someone, or some group of friends whom you’ve had a great time with and would love to keep around, please do something about it!

Ring them up right now, drop them that facebook message, before you realize how easy it is to part ways with them forever, because then, it will be too late.

When you’re old, retired, and your children and grandchildren are all busy living lives of their own, you’ll be glad that you still have a bunch of friends who truly know you, whom have been with you for the most part of your life, whom you can still hang out and share your lives with.

And most importantly, that you won’t have any regrets about letting someone whom you’d love to keep around slip away for silly reasons such as being too caught up in the “busyness” of life during your younger days.

“You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.

That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it”

– Older Ted Mosby